"Tallahassee's Roller Derby Queen(s)" Top 5 Page for this destination Tallahassee Travelogue by 850prc

Tallahassee Travel Guide: 248 reviews and 489 photos

This travelogue is homage to the spectacle that is roller derby; a series of photos and commentary. As a musical inspiration and interlude, we will include the words from Jim Croce's classic "ROLLER DERBY QUEEN" (in capital letters) along the way.

In our first photo, we see two of Tallahassee's Roller Derby Queens....The lady in the middle is Fem Venomous and the one on the left with "KO" on her arm is the flashy Moxie Knockout.

.............. I FELL IN LOVE WITH A ROLLER DERBY QUEEN
................. MEANEST HUNK O' WOMAN THAT ANYBODY EVER SEEN.
..................... DOWN IN THE ARENA

You always remember your first time, there are many things to which that comment applies. In the case of roller derby, they mark you with a scarlet letter if/when they learn you're a first-timer. Here we have a clearly denoted "roller derby virgin" as they call them.

.............................GONNA TELL YOU A STORY THAT YOU WON'T BELIEVE
........................BUT I FELL IN LOVE LAST FRIDAY EVENING
....................WITH A GIRL I SAW ON A BARROOM TV SCREEN.

.....................I WAS JUST GETTIN' READY TO GET MY HAT
.........................WHEN SHE CAUGHT MY EYE AND I PUT IT BACK
.............................AND I ORDERED MYSELF A COUPLE MORE SHOTS
....................................AND BEERS.

It's all a friendly and inclusive party. Just DO remember that when you pose for pictures - even if it seems like a good idea at the time - eventually someone is going to see them. <lol>

.....FIVE FOOT SIX AND 215
...........A BLEACHED BLONDE BOMBER WITH A STREAK OF MEAN
..................SHE KNEW HOW TO KNUCKLE
........................SHE KNEW HOW TO SCUFFLE AND FIGHT.

Somebody has to keep control, and that's the job of the volunteer officials. As you can see, they're a wild bunch themselves. Actually, maybe they need someone else to keep the officials under control.

...........ROUND AND ROUND
..................ROUND AND ROUND
..........................ROUND AND ROUND
..................................DOWN IN THE ARENA

One of the younger fans in attendance at the recent Tallahassee Capital Punishment vs Brevard County/Daytona Beach Molly Rogers match. The kid has a pretty good spider-man vibe going on.

The local "A" team (Capital Punishment) is pretty good, and well ranked in the state. As you can see here, they were rapidly pulling away from the under-womanned team from Daytona/Brevard County.

..............WELL I COULD NOT HELP BUT TO FALL IN LOVE
................WITH THIS HEAVY DUTY WOMAN I BEEN SPEAKIN' OF
....................THINGS LOOKED KIND OF BAD UNTIL
........................THE DAY SHE SKATED INTO MY LIFE

Imagine all of this happening at a high rate of speed. Add in some loud garage-band rock and roll music and then have several beers. Roller Derby.

.........WELL, SHE MIGHT BE NASTY
............SHE MIGHT BE FAT
.................BUT I NEVER MET A PERSON WHO WOULD TELL HER THAT
...............SHE'S MY BLEACH BLONDE BOMBER
.............MY HEAVY-HANDED HACKENSACK MAMA

Everybody and everything working the roller derby match/show has a name, a stage name and perhaps goes by other names. Everyone is someone else, and it's all fun.

......HER NAME MAY BE "TUFFY"
........BUT ALL HER FRIENDS CALL HER SPIKE.

  • Page Updated Aug 18, 2010
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