"A SEAGULLS TALE" Top 5 Page for this destination Pismo Beach Travelogue by travelgourmet

Pismo Beach Travel Guide: 68 reviews and 177 photos

** 2012 Barney Award for VT's Funniest Page **

Down by the beach sifting sand, there I sit with a camera in my hand. Whew, the sand is hot. The air is hot. Well, the sun is hot. Ocean is ocean and looks pretty and cool, but repetitive with the waves coming in and the spent wave, now a backwash, returning to the sea. Sometimes it even becomes a calm sea with no waves at all. Okay surfer dudes, glassed off, okay?

Now, what do you do? How many photos can you take of a flat ocean? Do I go back to sifting sand? No way, I forgot my bucket and shovel anyway, but I have my camera in my hand. I looked up instead of down and guess what I saw? Seagulls. Big ones, little ones, some with red legs (sunburn? I did say it was hot.) and some with yellow legs. All with a screeching voice that sounds fine at first unless they are right over you. They also seem to be dive bombers and drop their load on whomever is below. Don't look up too long. You may not be so lucky. Instead. you could be yucky. Phew!

Ah, yes, the sound of seagulls. You better be able to hear that ear piercing screech of a seagull or you are losing your hearing. You know you are near the ocean. How does about 25 feet away sound to you? Much closer and I would be swimming with the fish. If you open a bag of potato chips as I did, you gain several, no, make that many new friends, all seagulls. It must be true that birds of a feather, flock together. They all looked alike to me. Well, the seagulls were a bit on the fiesty side, so I yelled at them to get the flock out of here. They jumped, they screeched, they beat their wings, but only moved about 6 feet. My potato chips looked just too good to leave.

So, with my camera in one hand and the bag of potato chips in the other, I got myself up off the sand and walked up a flight of stairs, back to the room I was staying in at the ocean front hotel. Went inside my room, opened up the patio door, turned around and headed to the tiny refrigerator.

I pulled a beer from the playtoy refrigerator and to my surprise, it actually kept the brew nice and cold. Walked out on the ocean view patio with the camera, bag of potato chips and the cold brew. Sat myself down, sat the camera down, sat the bag of potato chips down and pulled a quick chug of beer. Ah, that hit the spot; my parched throat. It was a hot day. Must have been a good chug, as the bottle was empty. Okay, only one thing to do. Go inside and get another cold brew.

Went straight to that playtoy refrigerator, bent down, well you have to, the darn thing is sitting on the rug and it was made for trolls and leprechauns, not someone 6 feet tall. Opened the door to the golden brew of the fountain of youth and heard the loudest screeching out on the patio.

I quickly turned around to see who was being stabbed to death and much to my surprise, no, it wasn't Santa Claus. About 15 seagulls were fighting over the bag of potato chips. I quickly ran to the patio and chased them away. Looked in the crumbled bag and said G@& &*~ those seagulls! Frick Frackin' F....! They ate half the bag and left me a very torn bag of not much. Geeze, was I upset and it was hot.

I'll say one thing. Those seagulls can move fast when the want to. Oh, and another thing. Their eyesight must be sharp to spot that bag of chips sitting behind the camera. Well, it is a tiny camera and I am sure that these ocean front patios are the lunch truck to these screeching birds. They might as well have given me the bird by swooping in for the kill on my bag of potato chips while I was inside the room getting my next cold brew. Did I tell you that it was a hot day? Makes one thirsty.

Then in a state of frustration, I decided to study these starving leeching, screeching seagulls. First, I had to chug a little of my still cold brew. Nice. Now I sat back, picked up a crumble of potato chip, popped the pieces into my mouth. Yummy. They still tasted good, but I am sure a few beaks took a nibble or two out of the broken remaining potato chips. Well, watching the seagulls flying around, yelling at each other, landing on my patio railing and giving me the once over was beginning to get to me. Oh, you thought they left?Heck no! They were taking turns trying to land on the patio railing. I was enjoying flicking my hand out and watching them screech and dive off toward the ocean, far below my room. Some did succeed in landing and they were giving me the stink eye.

I stood up and I must have looked like a giant pelican to them as they dove off the railing and sailed down to the cliffs below. Then it hit me. Enjoy these fellow creatures. Must be the brew getting to me. Becoming a softy for these ill mannered, gluttenous birds of prey. I noticed the dip of a wing, the uplifting with the wind. Effortless. Beautiful to watch the flight of these cowardly malcontents. I suddenly started to envy their flight of freedom. Whoa, I better slow up with the brew. I don't think I can jump off the patio railing and sail to the cliffs below. First off, I don't have feathers. No, If I attempted flight, it would be the screeching from me like the seagulls and an awkward attempt to climb the air, ending in a big thud or worse, a big splat on the rocks below. Surely, no I didn't call you Shirley! Surely, I was not contemplating to aaaattempt flight without wings. Time for another brew. Okay, wherz was I? Oh yeaah! On the patio, watching the sheegulls.

Okay! Okay! I'm fine. Jusch a little tipsy. It's a hot day. buuutt but I...., I swear I heard a couple of them talking about aaaattacking my broken baaag of potatooo chips. Whew! It is hot!

Youse will have to excuse me. I have to gooo inside and she someone abou...about a horse. The next thing that happened, I was on the crumbled potato chip floor of the patio and had this big eyed seagull cocking his head and staring me down. All I could say to that bug eyed seagull was; "Hey pally. can...can you ba..ring me another cooold brewsky?" It's too darn hot! ;-)

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VIRTUAL TOURIST 2012 BARNEY AWARD to "travelgourmet"
.............................."VT'S FUNNIEST PAGE"...............................
Thank you to all the members of VT that voted and made "travelgourmet" the winner of the 2012 Barney Award Category "VT'S FUNNIEST PAGE" for my Pismo Beach, California, travelogue nomination, "A SEAGULLS TALE." Congratulations to all the Barney Award category winners and nominees. If you just read "A SEAGULLS TALE" for the first time, I trust it gave you a reason to smile and bring you a chuckle or two. It really happened that way on a very hot day in Pismo Beach, California. Cheers! :-)

  • Page Updated Oct 20, 2014
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Comments (10)

  • Nemorino's Profile Photo
    Sep 12, 2014 at 11:06 PM

    A great story! When my children were small, they had a beautiful book about seagulls that I had to read to them hundreds of times.
    I don't know what happened to that book. Maybe it's still around here someplace.

  • isolatedpawn's Profile Photo
    Sep 18, 2013 at 1:29 AM

    Very Inspiring tale!

  • ines2003's Profile Photo
    Nov 16, 2012 at 9:09 AM

    Congratulations on your Barney award!

    • travelgourmet's Profile Photo
      Nov 16, 2012 at 9:20 AM

      Thank you,Carla. It was a wow moment. :-)

    • Tugboatguy's Profile Photo
      Apr 5, 2013 at 12:22 PM

      Congrats on your well deserved award! I had the same problem-even more messy-with seagulls on my boats-nothing deters them from roosting aboard.

  • tropicrd's Profile Photo
    Nov 9, 2012 at 1:53 AM

    Such a fun story,seagulls will never be the same to me,ever again.Congrats on your award,you deserved it.
    Hugs Dorrise

  • ViajesdelMundo's Profile Photo
    Nov 7, 2012 at 9:21 AM

    glad to see that my vote this time counted!! good day to read it again and have a laugh, Amigo.

  • kenHuocj's Profile Photo
    Nov 5, 2012 at 1:16 AM

    Well d D d ese...ee..rrrr....DDD award, i raise my flute of bubbly to your birdies' stories ;-)))

  • DAO's Profile Photo
    Nov 4, 2012 at 12:52 PM

    Congratulations !

  • suvanki's Profile Photo
    Nov 3, 2012 at 3:24 AM

    Congratulations!!!

  • balhannah's Profile Photo
    Nov 1, 2012 at 10:55 PM

    Congratulations on your Barney award!

    • travelgourmet's Profile Photo
      Nov 26, 2012 at 5:05 PM

      Yes, I did get laugh out of the story, but sad you had to lose all the gear. I once had a seagull grab the bait I was casting out and started to fly off. Trouble is it took the hook, line and sinker with it. Having heavy line on my reel, the line did not break but was spinning out of control as the bird flew away. I reversed the reel, to start to bring it back and the line did not break. After retrieving the bird, I got help to remove the hook from the seagull's beak and cut the line off its body. The bird flew off with one of those cussed screeches, so I threw the bird at the bird. Bloody buggered. :-)

    • balhannah's Profile Photo
      Nov 26, 2012 at 9:02 PM

      I wonder if anybody else has had seagull trouble?

  • sirgaw's Profile Photo
    Nov 1, 2012 at 6:29 PM

    Congratulations on the Barney - very funny page. Interesting comment to add about sea gulls - there can be just one nearby and he/she gets a chip. Although he makes no 'squark' sounds within a very short time there is a whole flock all demanding chips. Is it mental telephony sea gull style or something else? Congratulations again and when you bow to accept the award, check the back of your neck - just in case - LOL

    • travelgourmet's Profile Photo
      Nov 1, 2012 at 6:41 PM

      LOL, Thank you, Yes I have been bombed (no pun intended, but it would work.) by birds before. Ruined a pair of pants. They must have a very acidic system. Anyway, your warning comes a day late, but I will remember it for the future battles.:-)

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