Travel Tips

Although I have an aversion to tattoos and T-shirts with advertising. I am proud that I once was responsible for saving a bald eagle.
One night I was the surgical resident on call to the ER when a man was brought in with a stab wound to the upper abdomen.
He had been explored years before for an earlier stab wound and the scar of this surgery went right through the middle of his eagle deforming its symmetry. The attending surgeon determined that the man required abdominal exploration for assessment and repair of internal injuries. After the work was done and the man's life safe, the attending surgeon left me in charge of the junior residents and the closure. Even though it was late at night -- actually very early morning -- I insisted that we close the incision so the eagle was repaired.
The next morning on rounds, I introduced the patient to the surgeon who was responsible for saving his life. The patient said, "Thanks, but who was responsible for fixing my eagle." When I was identified he effusely expressed his gratitude and did so daily until his discharge.

Admittedly I generally frequent the more economic of hotels and pensions in the travel world, but I do have my standards. I tend to check a bunch of rooms before I chose where to stay, but even this does not always work. On my recent trip to the Amazon I started a list of a few of my indicators that it may be time to move on:
1. There is a sign in the window that loosely translated says there is a special promotion of 2 hours for the price of one.
2. There are small blood stains on the wall marking the death of mosquitoes since the last time the wall was cleaned or painted.
3. The trash bucket in the bathroom has a plastic liner and it is half full with water. (Look for the ceiling leak.)
4. The very quiet street and restaurant in front of your room window suddenly starts hopping at 11pm.
How and when do you know that this is not the right hotel at any price?

Here is a start; send you own.
1. The worst it gets, the better the story it will make.
2. If no one has heard of the place before, it is probably because you can not pronounce the name correctly.
3. If my travel is safe it is because I am smart and strong. Otherwise it is just bad luck.
4. For travelers, more important than money is good sphincter tone.
5. If you can not sing, do not learn the words.
6. I am not lost; I just do not know where I have been lately.
7. The most likely cause of travel difficulty is stupidity and no matter how far I go I can not seem to escape my own.
8. Worst than an awful bathroom, is diarrhea and no bathroom at all.
10. If you have never worn a hole in your shoe, you have not walked enough.
11. If there are no tourists around, there is probably a reason.
12. If there are absolutely no dogs on the street, you are probably in China.
13. Food is better when you are hungry; beer is good anytime.
14. The less you need, the less you have, the more you will find.