"The Animal Graveyard" Personal Page by matt10gonzalez
Hi everyone and welcome to my wonderful animal graveyard! It's a place full of my beloved DEAD animals but most importantly, it's a dedication to all my lovely animals who weren't as lucky to travel like us and who weren't lucky at all to live as long as us. Well, I just pray and hope that you enjoy them! ^_^
IMPORTANT NOTE: (Before you read on) The LOLS (lots of laughter) you see in this page which I put after my pet dies doesn't mean I'm happy or glad that they died. It's just when my beloved pets die, I rather just laugh instead of feeling bad- it lessens the pain for me and makes things work out better for me. Though I really wish they were still alive.
My Adorable Golden Retriever
He was a swimmer,
And he loves playing with balls. (Not that malicious 'balls' word you're thinking!)
He was my mom's baby.
So he stole my brother (The affection) from mom.
And he made my brother jealous!
He loves to hump, (I guess what dog doesn't?)
So naturally, he was H**ny!
And he was also bisexual! (Wow! I guess dogs really are like humans!)
He was also a dirty dog,
He always played on poop!
But most importantly,
He was also an excellent kisser! (To his boyfriend (The dog in the picture), girlfriends and to the family. (That's right! Me and mom both love kissing him too!)
He ate a frog and his intestines exploded and guess what? He died!
Mom cried and cried for weeks!
And my brother Michael and Uncle Gerry laughed and laughed!
Short virtual epitaph for Napoleon:
-Napoleon, we shall never forget you. Mate with all the dead dogs in heaven.
_ _ _ _ +_ _ _ _ _ _
| N A P O L E O N |
| 9 Y R S. O L D |
| L . O . L |
Snowy the Stupid Japanese Pit
Snowy was an unfaithful dog who only like making sex. Unsatisfied with his ugly girlfriend (a dog of course!) nearby, Snowy went to the place not even I (A person) dares to go: The highway at 2 AM. That's where Snowy met his brutal fate: He was smashed by a speeding truck! And when he was found, his head was missing.
HOW SNOWY RAN AWAY
Snowy wasn't really loved by the family. First of all, it was a conditioned pet: In 2002, when grandma treated me to a trip (Yay!) to China, Michael my brother wasn't included. So he won't get jealous, he got one cut, fluffy Japanese Pitt to justify things. But you know what was the funny part? Instead of him loving the dog in the end, it ended me loving the dog! It ended up me hugging it, taking it for a walk, putting my hand in its mouth and so on!
MICHAEL: "I didn't it because it started to bite me!"
MOM: "I didn't like it because it's a Pit. Unlike my beautiful, baby Napoleon, the cutest dog on earth!"
DAD: "I hope that dog gets hit by a truck so less dogs to feed."
But even if the family didn't like Snowy that much, at least it still had me to love it!
Well, apparently, it wasn't enough: Just like a teenager, Snowy didn't just like me as a love, it wanted real sex! And he wasn't bisexual like Napoleon; He didn't just want play sex with a guy dog, he wanted real hardcore sex with a female dog! So the stupid dog made it a habit to escape the house (He just squeezes through the fence) and go across to our neighbor's house to play and even sleep with his girlfriend! Why, there would be days he never came home because he was just 'lounging' with his girlfriend!
DAD: "It's an unloyal sh*t. We give it food, a beautiful house, freedom and shelter and it still rans away from home."
MOM: "Stupid dog! It'll learn its lesson one day!"
And apparently: Mom was right!
After sleeping 1 week with his girlfriend, Snowy came home JUST for one day. I never knew that was the very last day I can put my hand in its mouth because the next day, it died!
HOW SNOWY DIED
Snowy's girlfriend wasn't enough: He wanted more sex and girls, (Possibly prettier breeds too!) so he did what not even Napoleon, Mom and I would do: Leave the subdivision at 2 in the morning and head for the highway! He really had no brains at all.
The highway is a place where in dozens of cars get into an accident a month, dozens of people getting hurt and killed a month and of course: hundreds of stray cats and dogs getting road kill a month. Snowy thought it was easy to cross the highway. Well he was wrong! Because Snowy just ended up just like the hundreds of dogs and cats being smashed by a vehicle!
He had luck and was able to succeed in crossing the first lane, but his luck died while crossing the second lane! Because while he was crossing the 2nd lane, suddenly... A big, merciless truck overspeeding a fast 100 kms/hr comes running straight at his face! Snowy panicked and was too terrified to move that the truck just... BANG!
Smashed his head and chopped it off instantly! Snowy's head with of course, a lot of blood then flew like the wind to a place where no one can ever see it again. To the truck driver, it probably felt like he just hit a rock, but to Snowy- it felt like his brains were exploding.
Oh well. At least it was quick, painless death!
How did I know? Because the next morning, guess what was the first thing I saw in the highway? A white, fluffy dog (Snowy) lying freshly dead beside the highway lane with no head! The brains were scattered, intestines, sausages and even the bones were popping out from the neck. That dog must have died early in the morning, because there was a lot of blood spilling, and it was still fresh!
At first we didn't know if that was Snowy but, we suddenly noticed too, that Snowy was missing for a long, long time. (And he never came back) And plus: Everybody including me had dreams about Snowy. The message was clear: Snowy died!
_ _ _ _ +_ _ _ _ _ _
| S N O W Y |
| 1.2 Y R S O L D |
| L . O . L |
And that's all for my dead dogs. Now, let's move on to my other lovely animals!
My Bunny (Too Cute to Ignore!)
We take it for adventures! (To abandoned places and hospitals! But I don't think he enjoyed it though!)
We give it 10% Freedom! (Which is, to completely set it free ONLY in the room, but not outside. It has to be leashed if it wants to go to a park but hey! At least it should be happy- I mean, it wasn't caged at all!)
We give it a comfortable bed, (Which was just destroyed by it!)
We even dress it up! (For picture taking only!)
And wow! We even take it walkies! (We take it for a walk. But you know what? I don't think it enjoyed it at all! He kept trying to break free from the leash!)
My dogs saw it and played tag of war with it and split it apart! Only the head was found but the butt was missing!
At first I found it funny.
But then, I cried.
Here's the full story:
Unlike my white bunny, my black bunny was given 100% freedom! That's right! He was allowed to completely roam around the garden around the house! Amazingly, he never went outside of the gates even if he very well knew could! What a faithful good rabbit.
So one night, black bunny was roaming around the gardens at midnight happily. Nights are colored black and he was already black so he was impossible to see from the human eye! But guess who still can see him? The Doggies! (Dogs)
That's right! That night when black bunny was having a blast by himself, he didn't have a single clue at all that 3 beautiful but evil Golden Retrievers (Napoleon, mom's baby, Emo dog, Squirt (The one kissing Napoleon), and ugly Skippy (The dog in the picture here.) were set loose! Of course they saw black bunny! Despite being black, didn't protect him at all from the dog's killer noses. So all 3 of them chased the poor defenseless thing and black bunny right away knew one thing:
HE WAS DOG FOOD!
HOW BLACK BUNNY WAS MURDERED:
May I ask you something? What's the first thing you would you do if someone was going to brutally kill you? Will you run away first? Well, if you said that, then you did exactly what Black Bunny did!
Black bunny tried to run, but he was surrounded! 3 against one! He's surely destined to die!
I'm sure he tried to bite back but, what harm can that do to the dogs?
To make things worst, the dogs that night, were extra vicious: They haven't killed a stray cat for a long time so they were extra hungry, greedy and thus, vicious! And they were 3. How can 3 dogs share one delicious but tiny rabbit? Simple! Play tag of war! Whoever wins, eats the rabbit!
So they literally played tag of war: Napoleon grab the ears, Squirt grabbed the head and Skippy grabbed the butt. Of course it felt unbearable pains! Black bunny cried and cried but how can its cries be heard from us? We were sleeping the room, 2nd floor and it was 3 AM. With no help around, it really was sure; Black Bunny was to die today!
So the dogs split the bunny! The intestines split apart and blood and sausages came flying over! The heart of the rabbit went to Napoleon's mouth, the butt went to Skippy's mouth and Squirt continued to play with the head like a ball! Black Bunny died.
The next day, my nanny found black bunny dead and massacred brutally in the gardens. I was the first family member to see it dead so you know what was the first thing I did? I quickly got a camera and snapped pictures out of it! It was worth it for memories, but it was a sad sight too.
The dogs looked really happy like they just had a celebration! But not for long because guess what? Dad saw it next, and apparently, like how Napoleon was Mom's baby, Black Bunny was Dad's BABY. So may I ask you something again... What will you do if you saw your child murdered and the killer next to her/his dead body? Will you try to kill the killer too? If you said yes, then that's what dad exactly did!
Dad whipped the dogs! He was furious! He got a leather belt and whipped the dogs screaming ugly bad words (Including the F words) at them! Then he got a chair and threw at them! He was really mad!
After that, dad never really loved the dogs anymore. He literally sent them to jail: He made them outcasts and isolated them in a cage. Could you blame him? They killed his baby! His favorite animal!
And as for white bunny, (The one we dress up), he's also dead too: He ran away from home and never came back again. I suspect he got eaten by a snake since there's plenty of snakes in where I live! You know what's the funny part: Is that coincidentally, they both died at the age of 2!
Oh well, that's life! I still wish they were still alive though.
_ _ _ _ +_ _ _ _ _ _
| B U N N I E S |
| 2 Y R S. O L D |
| L . O . L |
I hate frogs, I even scream when I see them but for some strange reason, my brother has a nice liking to these exotic pets!
He catches 40 frogs and even a giant frog! And what happens to them?
He locks them up in this jar like one big crowded family! He includes (according to him!) the mommy frog, the papa frog and the kids!
"Now that's what you call art!" - Michael's quote.
Well, you see, my brother wants and dreams to become a professional chef that doesn't only cook juicy food but also rather, well, exotic food! And thanks to his travels to Vietnam (Where he experienced eating a deer and seeing snakes being cooked), he's even more inspired! And guess what? Frogs aren't excluded! (I guess you can eat anything from frogs to rabbits and even to deers!)
So what happens to them next?
Well, I'll leave that guessing to you!
(Psst: My brother will only tell if you talk to him personally via email or by person. If by email, he'll even proudly give a picture of it!)
His VT site (Where you contact him is:)
Michaelxxx (Member name)
Because I grew up in a place full of animals. Like when I was small, I would catch frogs and now, I'm so terrified of them!
Our house had some animals. Here are most of them;
-Our very first rabbit, he got eaten by the ants and died.
- We also had a goat. It was cute when it was only small but became a jerk when it grew horns so what did we do to it? We cooked it! We made it 'Beef Kaldereta' (A juicy Filipino delicacy!) Only thing is, it was so hard like a shoe and it tasted really bad!
-We also had horses! But we ran out of money so dad had to sell them even before I came out of the stomach.
There might not be no lions or snakes but amazingly, you know what they have in common together with all the animals here? They all died!
Moral Lesson Learned:
When your beloved pets die like mine, I learned that you should just try to laugh so that it won't be so painful. (Though I still wish my pets lived longer and didn't die.)
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