Travel Tips

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway somewhere in Texas when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye. It reads:


SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS

HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION

10 MILES


He thinks it was a figment of his imagination and he drives on without second thought. Soon he sees another sign, which says:


SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS

HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION

5 MILES


Suddenly, he begins to realize that these signs are for real....Then he drives past a third sign saying:


SISTERS OF ST.FRANCIS

HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION

NEXT RIGHT


His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive.

On the far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to the door reading:


SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS


He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, "What may we do for you, my son?"

He answers, "I saw your signs along the highway, and was interested in possibly doing business."

"Very well, my son. Please follow me."

The man is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man, "Please knock on this door."

He does as he is told and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup answers the door. This nun instructs, "Please place $100 in the cup, then go through the large wooden door at the end of this hallway." He gets $100 out of his wallet and places it in the second nun's cup.

He trots eagerly down the hall and slips through the door, pulling it shut behind him. As the door locks behind him, he finds himself back in the parking lot, facing another small sign:


GO IN PEACE.

YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED

BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS.

A husband was in BIG trouble when he forgot his wedding anniversary.
Tomorrow," his wife angrily told him, "there had better be something in our driveway that goes from zero to 200 in two seconds flat!"

The next morning, the wife looked outside and saw a small package in the driveway.

She brought it inside, opened it, and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Funeral services for her husband have been set for Saturday.

A father walks into a shop with his young son. The boy is holding a twenty cent piece. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the twenty cent piece and starts panicking, shouting for help.



A well dressed, attractive and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar, reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the shop.



Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.



After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the twenty cent piece, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand. Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the coin to the father and walks back to her seat in the coffee bar without saying a word.



As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?"



"No," the woman replied. "Divorce lawyer."