Travel Tips

In the early 1990s, I worked for a couple of years in Madagascar, spending part of the time in Antananarivo and the rest of the time in dodgy bars in Morondava, Miandrivazo and Majunga.
This was a time of great upheaval, politically, in Madagascar as the country moved unsteadily from being a Marxist dictatorship under Didier Ratsiraka to being a right-wing dictatorship under Didier Ratsiraka, finally settling on being a democracy under Didier Ratsiraka. Basically, politics was like choosing between three different colour-ways for your curtains.
I was responsible for the transport and logistics for an engineering operation, which involved regular huge convoys of trucks from different ports to the worksites. Large lines of trucks carrying oddly-shaped equipment became a normal site along the dusty (or muddy) roads of Madagascar for two years.
During this period, civil society moreorless broke down, and we were left to fend for ourselves. As often happens in these situations, the army takes over and extorts money from anyone who might have some. That meant us.

We, and specifically I, became the targets for constant demands for money by mean-looking dudes carrying AK-47s. Roadblocks became common-place and getting around looked like it was going to be an expensive proposition. On long journeys I would simply run out of cash by the time I got half way to where I was going. On two occasions, they started jumping up and down and shooting in the air. Whether this act was meant to somehow "create" money in my wallet, I don't know. Anyway, not much they could do about it. Fortunately, the Malagasy are generally laid back, and killing people was considered anti-social. After a while I knew many of the people on the roadblocks and I would get out the car, shrug my shoulders, show I had no money, they would wish me a good day and I would disappear into the setting sun.
On one occasion, I was waiting for our daily flight at the airfiled at Miandrivazo one morning, when it became clear that the aircraft on finals was not our Cessna 402 but a big Transal military transport plane. Before it had even stopped on the runway, there were soldiers pouring down the back ramp and spreading out into the bush. Hundreds of them, all armed to the teeth. Some even wore arctic camouflage which was novel as this was in the tropics and white clothing tends to be a bit visible in the scrub. We decided not to do anything that might encourage poeple to start shooting at us. Their leader demanded (reading from a piece of paper): money (Yeh, I was shocked at that one as well), beer, radios, newspapers (!?), butter, apples, rice. It ws like some kind of pre-planned military weekly shop at the mall.
They surrounded our camp and threatened to move in unless we gave them what we wanted. It was an odd threat; the kind your mother-in-law would make if she was after apples, beer and the sports pages.
After much contact with my boss in Tana (A Frenchman - the single most arrogant, duplicitous, disingenuous, unpleasant person I have ever worked with) blamed me for encouraging them, told me I was useless and refused to talk to me anymore. Here I was, surrounded by about 200 hungry, news-starved armed men, 200 AK-47s and an assortment of heavier armaments including rocket-propelled grenades, threatening to "move in" and my boss refuses to have anything to do with it!
In the end, they got bored and moved on (where they went I have absolutely no idea) and that was the end of that. Like all true stories, a bit anti-climactic, I'm afraid. They just went. No shots fired, nothing. Ever since then, armed bullies have tended to annoy me, which is definitely not good for my health. A year later, near Majunga, I even got out of the car at a roadblock and started ranting on at one group, telling them to go and do something useful for themselves, the community or anyone. Stupid really, but I was getting fed up with it all. They were so gob-smacked that they apologised.

So enough crap: what to do when the bullets start flying?
- don't panic. It's loud and it's scary, but it's nothing personal against you.
- if you are in close proximity, get down and make yourself inconspicuous
- if in very, very close proximity, just stay still and do what they say
- if money is requested, give them what you have and make a show of getting money out of awkward hiding spots to convey the impression you really are giving them everything
- offer a cigarette or chewing gum
- now's the time to forget about being an atheist. If there really is no God, then it doesn't matter anyway.
- don't look anyone in the eye - any facial glance may be considered a challenge, especially if they are drunk or high
- no sudden movements and keep your hands where they can see them

If you are caught in a coup d'etat. (Yes, also in Madagascar, in May 1990)
- immediately fill the bath and every sink with water, right to the top (water supply gets stopped quickly)
- get plenty of candles and matches/lighters (ditto electricity)
- tune in to the foreign news service of the most recent colonial power in that country (You want news about sudden events in, say, Mozambique or Angola, tune in to the Portuguese radio service on short-wave, etc. The BBC and CNN will have little of use.)
- phone your embassy before the phones get cut
- in the event of serious events, rely on the Americans (God bless 'em in these kinds of situations!) because they will have their embassy marines out looking to see what is happening first.
- stick with other people; there is always safety in numbers
- do not move about when people are shooting guns (Bit of a no-brainer this one, but in Tana in 1990, tourists continued to wander the streets while hand grenades were being thrown around outside the radio station)
- stay away from plate glass in case it shatters
- again, stay calm
- it is inadvisable to "back" any side. Don't go straight out and buy a T-shirt of the opposition leader/party. Coups tend to be challenged by the former ruler and things can get nasty.
- stay well away from lorries carrying bottled gas and petrol (These were used to bomb the house of a poitician living on our street. Rule #323 - if you didn't order bottled gas, it's unlikely to be a gift)
- Stay cheerful if possible.

Finally, and this is a general rule that applies in many places around the world.

Most simple people (not meant in a derogatory sense) assume that everyone gets paid at the end of the month in cash. This makes the last day of every month (and especially that night) the riskiest time for burglaries, robberies and muggings. Take special precautions in areas of high poverty!