"The Friends" by malianrob

WHEN GIRLS DRINK
1. We Have Absolutely No Idea Where Our Purse Is.
2. We Believe That Dancing With Our Arms Overhead and Wiggling Our Butt while yelling "Woo-Hoo!" Is Truly The Sexiest Dance Move Around.
3. We've Suddenly Decided We Want To Kick Someone's Ass And Honestly Believe We Can Do It.
4. On Our Last Trip To Pee, We Realize We Now Look More Like A
Homeless Hooker Than The Goddess We Were Just Four Hours Ago.
5. We Drop Our 3 AM Sandwich On The Floor (which We're Eating Even Though We're Not The Least Bit Hungry), Pick It Up And Carry On Eating It.
6. We Start Crying And Telling Everyone That We Love Them Sooooo
Soooo Much.
7. We Get Extremely Excited And Jump Up And Down Every Time A new song plays Because "Oh My God.... We Love That Song!"
8. We've Found A Deeper/Spiritual Side To The Geek Sitting Next To Us.
9. The Man We're Flirting With Used To Be Our 5th Grade Teacher.
10. The Urge To Take Off Articles Of Clothing, Stand On A Table And Sing Or Dance Becomes Strangely Overwhelming.
11. Our Eyes Just Don't Seem To Want To Stay Open On Their Own So We Keep Them Half Closed And Think It Looks Exotically Sexy.
12. We've Suddenly Taken Up Smoking And Become Really Good At It.
13. We Yell At The Bartender, Who (we Think) Cheated Us By Giving Us
Lemonade, But That's Just Because We Can No Longer Taste The Gin.
14. We Think We're In Bed, Even Though The Pillow Feels Strangely Like The Kitchen Floor.
15. We Start Every Conversation With A Booming, "don't Take This The
Wrong Way But..."
16. We Fail To Notice That The Toilet Lid's Down When We Sit On It.
17. Our Hugs Begin To Resemble Wrestling Take-down Moves.
18. We're Tired So We Just Sit On The Floor (wherever We Happen To Be) And Take A Quick Nap.
19. We Begin Leaving The Buttons Open On Our Button Fly Pants To Cut
Down On The Time We're In The Bathroom Away From Our Drink.
20. We Take Our Shoes Off Because We Believe It's Their Fault That We're Having Problems Walking Straight.

I thought this was funny so i'd like to share it with you all:

A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what she does with the money.

The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets
her hair done, new make up, and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man was impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.

Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.

Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.

Then, he married the one with the biggest boobs.

Men are like that, you know.

My friends Adela, Marisela, and my cousin Jackie and me.