"Steed goes to Prague with John" a Prague Travel Page by johngayton

John is definitely not a nice man, I've decided. He let me put a little blog of my own here, whilst he did the same on his Intro page and now he's made me delete mine, whilst he's thinking about keeping his.

That means that I have to start from scratch, he is just so selfish.

Well I'll teach him a lesson, he's not going to like what I've got to say about him now, Mr Miseryguts, HA!

First I'm going to tell you about him tying me up and trying to get me put in the hold with his luggage - he won't be amused with this story I'll tell you.

His explanation was quite logical, he says:
" Sorry Steed, but seeing as you are a brass-pointed umbrella, and I can't even travel with a corkscrew in my hand-luggage, I presume they won't let you on plane unless with my old bag in the hold."

See, John and I have never flown together before (he's only brought me out this trip for his own personal amusement), and so, for me, this is my first ever time, cos' I can't actually do very much organising things. This is one of the problems of being an umbrella: for a start - I don't even have my own passport. I have no bank account, no credit cards, in fact no identity of my own, but anyway back to the story:

Ha!!

Well, call me a nasty old sarcastic umbrella if you like, but he gets to check-in and the (to my mind) rather attractive "check-in girl" says:

"I'm terribly sorry sir, but you will have to take that umbrella ABOARD AS HAND LUGGAGE." (my capitals), this is definitely MY SORT OF WOMAN!

So, obedient as he is, he unties me, and here we go - off to Prague!!!!!

John, being John, took this all in his usual good humour, muttering something about ............ "Yeah, here we are airside at W%@tsppoons, don't forget to follow me when we get called for boarding."

Hey, I'm not an umbrella to be scorned, so am sticking to him like a limpet.

This is great, never flown before, the clouds are like new-seasoned sheared lamb's wool pillows, so light and fluffy. "How does this window open?"

Then he gets his really crappy airline lunch and tries to show off - "Pivo prosim.", he asks for - never laughed so much in my life!!

Still laughing now, hehhehehe - 'cos, of course the stewardess? (flight attendant? ......... serving wench?) then speaks back to him in Czech giving him the option of "Budvar" or "Urquell". Did he understand a word of the reply?? Ha - that put HIM in his place!!

I could really get into this flying lark, as I said, this is my first time, but I wasn't nervous at all.

But then to spoil things what does Mr Cheapskate do?

He only goes and buys a cheapo weekly ticket for the public transport system - and here's me, an umbrella with class, sitting waiting for a bus!

Oh the ignomity of it all, a chauffeured limo was the least of my expectations - but a bus! I ask you: A BUS!! And then the Metro, along with a bunch of cheapo foldaway collapsibles, hmmm - John is NIKULRTUNY!!

I will say one thing in his favour tho' - he does at least have good taste in hotels.

It's been a long day, so here I am relaxing with a well-earned beer, not that I've actually done anythiong to deserve it, haven't even been opened once, but still, at the end of the day a beer is alweays good.

Yep, pleasant couple of beers from minibar, and now planning our day out tomorrow. Nice early to bed and early to rise idea - He's actually not that bad a chap really.
Here I am studying map, will give him a few suggestions for things to do during our week.

THE B#fSARD, the absolute espece du #### !!!

I take back anything nice I said about him before - HE IS DEFINITELY NOT NICE AT ALL!!

He says something about "The Weather" and how it looks as if its going to be better than he thought, so what does he do??

He hangs me up in the wardrobe, along with his shirts, ME - with his shirts!! He doesn't treat me like this at home - I have my own personal hanging space.

Yeah, I know what he's up to, and he doesn't want me to tell anyone about it. I know, but of course I am the height of discretion - would I, ME, tell tales out of school? No, certainly not, I am, after all, a gentleman in my own right, and far be it for me to disparage my good friend and companion, John. After all I am his protector in his moments of need, his confidant, I am no bog-standard cheapo foldaway. OK I may be aging a bit and looking a little tattered, but that's not a bad thing is it?

HA! Well, call me fickle if you like, but I KNOW exactly why he's locked me in the wardrobe - yep - I know what he's getting up to - a drinkin', a gamblin', a whorin' and whatever else. You can't pull the wool over my eyes.

And here we are, just after 5pm Monday, on the bus to the airport. Judging by the nocturnal commotions, toings and froings, John seems to have enjoyed his break.

He seems a bit down now, as if he doesn't want to be leaving, so am being kind to him - I tell him: "Never mind, when we get home we will be pals again, it'll probably be raining and you and I can get back to our normal relationship."

For some reason this doesn't seem to cheer him up at all - aye, he's a strange one.

In some ways I did enjoy our trip, even if I spent most of it in the wardrobe, and knowing John the way I do, he certainly enjoyed it.

I really am looking forward to our next outing - just hope it's raining, then I can get out more.

Now John (Mr Bossyboots) says that I've had my say, and to be grateful for it - so until next time folks, LOL and Cheers, Steed.