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Part IV - The Katoey

"I hope to see you in the morning, Jim," Bob said as the morning sun rose above the Thai horizon.

"Same here. You have yourself a good night," I bade Bob before retiring to my room. It has been such a long day. A long day. I deserve this.

Khao San was not my place. Although cheap rooms, cheap eats, and pretty much cheap everything else were abundant, I just couldn?t get used to seeing more foreigners than Thais on what is supposed to be a Thai dominated street. That defeated the whole idea of traveling to Thailand.

I, genuinely, did want to hang out with Bob the next morning but when I woke, he was no where to be found. I did not want to disturb him by knocking on his door and I did not want to hinder my stay any longer so I left Khao San and all the backpackers behind, depriving them of my presence.

I found refuge on Sukhumvit Road, Soi 13, at the Miami Hotel and frequented a bar called B-52 for its laid back atmosphere. B-52 was located roughly four blocks east of the Miami Hotel on Sukhumvit Road and between the two is a bar which houses a katoey.

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Katoeys are ladyboys and are fairly well known and accepted in Thailand. I have nothing against them but it somehow scares me to know that a man would want to get into the same bed with me. No matter how feminine he looked, the thought just left me appalled.

I would walk by this bar everyday on my way to B-52 and for some odd reason, the katoey would always see me and try to get me to patronize her bar. She was short, but bulky. Bulkier than me, anyway, and it always took a lot of effort on my part to shake her off. Mind you, I would be frozen in fear as I was doing so.

One day, I made plans with Yupa (the owner's sister of B-52) to go shopping. I scurried alongside Yupa with my head held high, confident that if the katoey saw me, she would at least give some respect to Yupa and leave us alone. But just before we reached the katoey's bar, Yupa said she forgot something and immediately went back. I stood there, paralyzed - unable to stop shaking - sweat forming on my hands faster than mice mating. Then it came. My most dreaded fear - the katoey.

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She was very aggressive this time. She grabbed me by the arm with so much force that, I swear, she dislodged it from its socket. She, then, pulled the arm into her bar with the owner of the arm following close behind. I tried to desperately tell her that I was with another girl (Thais are of the extremely jealous kind, if they know you have a girl with you, they will leave you alone). Still, the katoey pushed me onto a chair and had one hand on my shoulder to keep me in place. I had never felt more helpless and vulnerable in my life as I cowered on that chair - tears streaming - for fear of what was going to happen.

It was at that time I saw my guardian angel observing the area where she left me. My hope of freedom was rekindled. I screamed out her name but did it in a silent way for I did not want to cause a commotion which, in turn, will cause the katoey to lose face. A big no-no in Thailand. Yupa peered into the bar, scrunched up her face, and strutted off. My heart sank as my heroine left me to my own demise.

The katoey, having witnessed Yupa's obvious anger, reluctantly released me. I was free!!! I jolted out of the bar and caught up with Yupa, who had a disgusted look on her face. I explained to her that it was not my fault for being such a dashing and charming individual. With that aside, I felt satisfied for I escaped violation. I evaded death. I even reached down and confirmed I didn?t pee my pants!

To be continued...

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Final Part - The Moment of Truth

It was time.

It was time for me to meet the famed Bangkok coffee girl.

I wrote Phot an email asking for directions to find this renowned coffee shop a day prior to the noble undertaking. He was lucky because he replied promptly or he would have never heard the end of it. His instructions and directions were explicit. The high-rise shopping complex was called The Mall. Interesting name, I thought.

Excited, I left all the Thai ladies waiting daily for me and hailed a cab. I gave the driver a piece of paper with the address on it and tried picturing the perfect coffee-time meeting in my head. I would first ask her if she remembered Phot by describing him...

~ Enter Dreamland ~

Me: "You know, the pathetic guy that tipped you only 1000 baht?"

Confused Coffee Girl shakes her head.

Me: "You don't remember? I don't blame you, he is such a stingy bastard anyway."

CG: "How can I possibly think of anyone else when you are standing so deliciously in front of me?" Coffee Girl then licks her chops.

~ Exit Dreamland ~

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Ahhhh...It was splendid. Ideal innocent fun. I came back to reality when the cab entered the Huamark District. The Mall loomed ahead and I became uncontrollably anxious. After all, she was the reason I was in Thailand. She was the one that left a deep impression on Phot. She was the one.

Everything he described was where it was supposed to be. Yup, there was the skywalk, the Mcdonalds, the KFC and the Dairy Queen. The bastard didn?t lie, after all.

Determination lead the way as I fought through the crowd of seemingly endless Thais that stood between me and the waiting coffee girl (She was waiting for me, by the way). As instructed, I rushed to the end of the mall - but to my dismay, I could not find anything that resembled a coffee shop. Desperation quickly took hold of me as I frantically searched the mall inside out, scolding innocent bystanders for my not finding this place and making my coffee girl wait.

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Finally! There it was! I almost broke down in tears at the sight of it. God bless Canada, I thought to myself. An internet caf?! With the internet, I would be able to re-read Phot's email, find this blasted place, and live merrily ever after with the coffee girl.

I browsed the email once again. OK, Dairy Queen, McDs, skywalk, second floor, The Mall...wait, second floor??? I quickly ended my session and bolted for the door. The time it took me to reach the upper floor of the mall seemed like an eternity.

Everything on the second floor failed to exist for the only thing that contained life was in that coffee shop. From far, along with the deafening sound of my racing heart, I was able to smell the distinct aroma of freshly ground coffee as I neared the end of the mall. My heart stopped. I stood before the coffee shop enclosed in glass and peered in. Although there were customers and servers, it was lifeless. It was then did I realize my terrible mistake. Within laid not what I was looking for but what drove me to be here. Not a person, but an incentive to travel to a country I would have never dreamed of traveling. I whispered a silent thank you, turned, and left.

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Closing Statements

I left Thailand for Vietnam shortly after. It is funny how life has surprises for you at every corner. Throughout my entire stay in Thailand, I was bitter about everything due to the fact that I was constantly being swindled. I spent roughly a thousand dollars over a period of six days and could not figure out how.

My arrival to Vietnam - and even more so - back to Canada made me appreciate Thailand all the more. I had time to recollect the good qualities Bangkok had to offer. Much like when you have something, you do not appreciate it until you have lost it. What I have learned through this Thai experience: "When faced with a new experience, open your mind and heart. Because you do not understand something at first does not mean you never will."

Thailand is definitely a land of smiles. However, what lies behind the smile is entirely up to the interpreter to reveal for themselves.