Travel Tips

Congratulations goes to China for this extraordinary achievement in lactrinal repulsiveness. It even warrents two photos.

Located below a tiny truckers guesthouse in some unnamed village in central China, having aquired the key you entered through horrifying curtains of cobwebs like an Indiana Jones movie. The foot blocks can be seen and its simply a matter of squating down and thinking of England and not the spiders above your head.

but the pist de la resistance is when the two pigs lounging the other side of the wooden fence 'get wind' of dinner and tuck in before youve finished. Having a pigs hot sweaty snout exploring your bowls just puts you right off.

Incredibly, China also comes in at No. 2.

This roadside hovel was at least sociable. Without any partition between troughs you could chat about the weather with fellow male and female squatters and anyone else who pokes their head in to marvel at the strange white guy with his pants down.

This toilet was as much remarkable simply because it existed. It was the only public toilet I ever saw in India. Looks can be deceaving however. The smell would have choked a double-hard skunk.

... And its back to China again. This belonged to a hotel. I was charged extra on the accomodation bill to have the priviledge of using it. Remarkable.

On the way to Gambela on the south Sudan border I stayed in accomodation which had a toilet attached that would surely make a goat puke. Too graphic for a detailed photo.

This typical Kazakh toilet had a heart lovingly carved into the floor to dump into. Couldnt help thinking it somehow represented the story of my life.

Well done to Colombia for this surprise entry. As a general rule, going 'wild' means you avoid all the usual nastiness of the public convenience. But it doesnt mean you are out of the woods quite yet...

The following extract from my journal was whilst looking for ancient ruins in the jungle near Tieradentro;

"...Whilst trekking through the forest I found myself `caught short`. Not to worry, I thought, and scampered off into the dense undergrowth to dig myself a little hole with the heel of my boot. It was whilst squat in distractive contemplation that I became aware of a large insect, or small rodent, attempting to insert itself into my rear end. In my shock and alarm, I leapt from the hole, tripped on my trousers and knocked myself out on a tree.

I bet Indiana Jones doesn`t have to put up with this kind of nonsense."

(.. continue)