"Travel Humor & Quotes :-) Your going to need it!!" by jamiesno

A large two engined train was crossing America. After they had gone some distance one of the engines broke down. "No problem," the engineer thought, and carried on at half power.

Farther on down the line, the second engine broke down, and the train slowed to a dead stop. The engineer decided he should inform the passengers about why the train had stopped, and made the following announcement:

"Ladies and gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that both engines have failed, and we will be stuck here for some time. The good news is that you decided to take the train and not fly."

A sign posted in Germany’s Black Forest: It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.

In a Zurich hotel: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.

In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.

In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.

In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today -- no ice cream.

In a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: We take your bags and send them in all directions.

It is only in adventure that some people succeed in knowing themselves - in finding themselves.
Andre Gide (1869 - 1951)

Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature.... Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.
Helen Keller (1880 - 1968)

10. Do these steps go up or down?

9. What do you do with the beautiful ice carvings after they melt?

8. Which elevator do I take to get to the front of the ship?

7. Does the crew sleep on the ship?

6. Is this island completely surrounded by water?

5. Does the ship make its own electricity?

4. Is it salt water in the toilets?

3. What elevation are we at?

2. There's a photographer on board who takes photos and displays them the next day... the question asked...If the pictures aren't marked, how will I know which ones are mine?

1. What time is the Midnight Buffet being served?

One of the airlines recently introduced a special half-fare rate for wives accompanying their husbands on business trips. Anticipating some valuable testimonials, the publicity department of the airline sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip.

Responses are still pouring in from angry wives asking: "What trip?"

Old world charm ......... Room with no TV, radio and only 1 light.
Tropical ........................ Rainy.
Majestic setting ....... A long way from town, at end of dirt road.
Options galore ............. Nothing is included in the price.
Secluded hideaway .......Directions to locate unclear.
Some budget rooms .....Sorry, already occupied.
Explore on your own .....At your own expense.
Minutes From ???...........By Plane
Romantic ...................... No Phone in room
Knowledgeable trip hosts ... They've flown in an airplane before.
No extra fees .............. No extras available.
Bird Watchers Paradise...... Your car's paint will never be the same
Nominal fee ................. Outrageous charge.
Standard ..................... Sub-standard.
Deluxe ........................ Barely Standard.
Superior accommodations... One complimentary chocolate,
free shower cap.
All the amenities ......... Two chocolates, two shower caps.
Just Like Home............. No Maid service.
Plush ................. Both top and bottom sheets, bed shakes.
Gentle breezes ........... In hurricane alley.
Light and airy .............. No air conditioning.
Picturesque ................ Theme park nearby.
24-hour bar .....Ice cubes at additional cost (when available).

Your travel life has the aspect of a dream. It is something outside the normal, yet you are in it. It is peopled with characters you have never seen before and in all probability will never see again. It brings occasional homesickness, and loneliness, and pangs of longing... But you are like the Vikings who have gone into a world of adventure, and home is not home until you return. Agatha Christie (1890 - 1976)

The world is a book, and those who do not travel read only a page. Augustine, (AD 354-430)

The vitality of thought is in adventure. Ideas won't keep. Something must be done about them. Alfred North Whitehead (1861 - 1947)