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| Page Views: 8,491 | Life's Trooths....Back at it Again by sargentjeff - last update: Apr 29, 2005 |
If you've visited my pages before, you know I used to have a "Life's Truths" section. I was one of my favorites, and by the comments I received, a favorite to many as well. Anyways, I present to you once again.
LIFE'S TROOTHS...Thought of and Borrowed
1. Once over the hill, you pick up speed.
2. I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.
3. If it weren't for STRESS I'd have no energy at all.
4. Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
5. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
6. I know God won't give me more than I can handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much.
7. Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.
8. We cannot change the direction of the wind but we can adjust our sails.
9. Some days are a total waste of makeup.
10. Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by you again?
11. If the shoe fits......buy it in every color.
12. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.
13. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
14. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
15. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
17. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
18. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
19. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
20. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
21. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
22. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
23. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel soooooo goooooood.
24. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
25. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
26. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
27. If you skip #16 in a list of items, don’t say anything maybe no one will notice.
28. Real stress is resisting the urge to choke the living crap outta some idiot who deserves it.
29. The older I get, the better I was.
30. The rule of ½: Men always sleep with half the women they say, and women say half of their
true amount.
31. The worlds oldest lie: I’ll pull out, I promise.
32. If you wash your car after a week of sunshine, it’s going to rain.
33. No such thing as kinda stupid.
34. If common sense were so common, why was the Yugo ever sold? Better yet, Why did people
buy them?
35. If you owned a Yugo…You may have not made it down this far in the list.
36. If you still own a Yugo, Keep it, you two were born for each other.
37. If you don’t know what a Yugo is, you probably have algebra homework to finish.
38. If didn’t finish the book, forget it, it probably wasn’t that good anyway.
39. Okay already, we get it, Jason will never die. I hear Friday the 13th XXXVIII is going to be so much better than the others though.
40. Men are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you
still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
41. I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and think, "Well, that's not going to happen".
42. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
43. The other night I ate at a really nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.
44. Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder in the car these days no one talks about seeing UFO's like they used to?
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|  | Chapter Due 45. You know when you're sitting on a chair and you lean back so you're just on two legs then you lean too far and you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.
46. According to a recent survey, men say that the first thing they notice about a woman are their eyes. And women say that the first thing they notice about men is that they're a bunch of liars.
47. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
48. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
49. Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?
50. I'm not 40-something. I'm $39.95, plus shipping and handling.
51. In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world IS weird and people take Prozac to make it seem normal.
52. Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
53. There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
54. How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
55. Doctors can be frustrating. You wait a month-and-a-half for an appointment, and he says, "I wish you'd have come to me sooner."
56. You read about all these terrorists -- most of them came here legally, but they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10-15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster; you are two days late with a video and those people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration.
57. It’s funny, people will pay $300 for a floor model TV that has been sitting in the store, touched by hundreds of people, but they want the same TV at a garage sale for no more than $25.
58. You remember that song "Ice Ice Baby"? It's actually a pretty good song compared to some of the crap being played nowadays.
59. Destiny's Child go home, your parents are looking for you.
60. I hate this whole fashion thing. I bet Gucci could have people wearing cardboard boxes if they said it was "the latest fashion trend"
61. Everyone should come with “The Fine Print” tattooed on their a**, but then of course for some, it would have to be continued down both legs.
62) New year's resolutions are frequently made, seldom acted on.
63) Don't wait for your anniversary to show love. The little things mean the most. A note with lipstick on the mirror can be priceless.
64) Marry ONLY for love, the rest will sort itself out.
65) 1:2 first marriages fail, 1:1.7 second marriages fail. Lesson: Oh yes there is!! |
Chapter Tre
66) The problem with us guys is that our P***S and brain cannot function simultaneously.
67) Leaving toilet seats up will be the end of us guys.
68) If she unlocks your car door from inside, she's a keeper.
69) Do nice things, no matter how hard it is, when you are mad at your partner.
70) Make up sex is the best.
71) Guns don't kill people, people kill people.
72) Rainy days are God's way of saying "slow down, and enjoy some time indoors" or, maybe it's just nature taking care of itself, who knows?
73) Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
74) The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.
75) Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.
76) To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.
77) Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.
78) Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.
79) Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.
80) There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around.
81) Make yourself a better person and know yourself before you try to know someone else, and expect them to know you.
82) Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.
83) NO MAN OR WOMAN IS WORTH YOUR TEARS, AND THE ONE WHO IS WON'T MAKE YOU CRY.
84) A man will pay $2 for a $1 item that he needs, while a woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't.
85) Men are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
to be continued... | | |
| | Chapter Quattro 86) I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and think, "Well, that's not going to happen".
87) Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
88) The other night I ate at a really nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.
89) Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder in the car these days no one talks about seeing UFO's like they used to?
90) You know when you're sitting on a chair and you lean back so you're just on two legs then you lean too far and you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.
91) According to a recent survey, men say that the first thing they notice about a woman are their eyes. And women say that the first thing they notice about men is that they're a bunch of liars.
92) Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
93) All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
94) Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?
95) I'm not 40-something. I'm $39.95, plus shipping and handling.
96) In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world IS weird and people take Prozac to make it seem normal.
97) Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
98) There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
99) How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
100) Doctors can be frustrating. You wait a month-and-a-half for an appointment, and he says, "I wish you'd have come to me sooner."
101) You read about all these terrorists -- most of them came here legally, but they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10-15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster; you are two days late with a video and those people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration.
102) Logging in sucks
103) Screwing up your log in and having to redo it sucks even worse
104) US speed limits are ridiculous, they drive 100mph/160kph in Europe, and they have fewer accidents.
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 Comments for sargentjeff about World | | | | |
nicoleken Wed Sep 30, 2009 09:07 UTC
Happy birthday Jeff ! From Nicole in Belgium | eden_teuling Sat Sep 26, 2009 22:27 UTC
Happy Birthday, Jeff! Have a special & festive day! elisabeth & pip from The Netherlands. | matcrazy1 Sat Sep 26, 2009 16:25 UTC
Hi Jeff, loong time... How are you? Happy Birthday, best wishes and greetings from Poland. | KiKitC Sat Sep 26, 2009 11:09 UTC
Birthday greetings from New Jersey! Hope it's a blast. |
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