"Strapping on a jet engine" Spangdahlem Travelogue by JAFA-Rease

Very few people get the opportunity to fly in a fighter aircraft, even those in the military. I've been fortunate and have been given the opportunity to go up twice. Both times I went up in an F-16 Fighting Falcon (http://www.af.mil/factsheets/factsheet.asp?fsID=103). The selection process to determine who (non-pilot) gets to go up is very simple, you must win a high level award.

Once selected you are given a very thorough physical exam. Funny thing is, they are mostly concerned if you can clear your ears. If you can't clear your ears during rapid elevation changes you'll rupture your eardrums.

Next is "survival" training. Of course you're not going on a "real" mission here, so you get the scaled down version. They just want to ensure that you can safely eject from an aircraft and then live long enough for someone to come get you if something goes wrong. You're taught the proper way to pull the ejection handle in case the pilot says "Eject, Eject, Eject". Basically they teach you to keep your back straight, eyes straight ahead, arms in front of you on your lap (so you don't lose yours arms on your way out of the fighter) and pull the ejection handle up. I can't remember precisely how many G-Forces the seat takes you out of the aircraft at. I think the guy said ten. Regardless, the seat inside the fighter that you are in is equipped with it's own rocket and sends you away from the aircraft FAST. Fast enough to give you spinal problems if you don't have your back straight. Assuming you don't lose consciousness during this process you may or may not remember the next part, the parachute opening. Once your 'chute is open you're supposed to remain calm (right?) and assess where you're going to land. The person training you says "so, you've never parachuted before. We'll give you the easy version". This consists of, stay limp and roll when you land. If you are landing in trees, keep your visor down, hold the visor in place with your hands, keep your elbows tucked down onto your chest and hope for the best. Once you're on the ground, you have a small radio. Your next step is to turn on the emergency beacon and wait for someone to come and get you. Of course it's always a good thing if you can find your pilot while you're waiting ; )

Did I explain G-Forces yet? No? Ok, one Gravitational - Force (G-Force) is essentially how much you weigh on the planet earth. So, if you are at 2 G-force's you weigh twice as much. If you weigh 100 pounds, you weigh 900 pounds at 9 G's. This gets kinda awkward. Put aside the fact that lifting your arm or moving your head becomes a lot more difficult, now your heart is finding it much more difficult to get blood to your brain. I don't have to tell you what no blood to the brain does ; )

When you're "punching holes in the sky" or "in the furball" on a fighter you will be pulling lotsa G's. Because of this, and the need to keep the pilot conscious (and alive) the military designed G-Suits and "the breathing technique". A G-Suit is a full body suit that is inflatable. It is connected to pumps in the fighter which squeeze you as the G's increase. This in turn forces the blood from your body and extremities to your head. Sounds like fun huh! The breathing technique is taught to you by the doctor who gives you your physical examination. Try to keep a straight face here, I couldn't... So, you have a highly education doctor telling you to tense up all of your muscles, pretend like you're having a large bowel movement, get a lunge full of air, breath out 1/4 breath of air sharply and breath in as hard as you can. You now have a very red faced doctor who is breathing like he's having some sort of episode in front of you. Then he says "your turn, show me". Heck, I was still laughing!

One of the key things to remember on the big day is breakfast. You want to eat a medium breakfast. Nothing greasy, just eat bread foods primarily. Why you ask? Well, your stomach is going to go into overtime producing acid while your doing aerial acrobatics. You need something to absorb the acid or you'll get sick faster. For most of us, myself included, we're not accustomed to this and will get sick. It's just a matter of keeping it at bay as long as possible.

So much for preparation, we?re as done as we're gonna get without going through some real training. Now it's time for the fighter pilot to mess with you. They typically don't appreciate having to take a non-pilot up when they could be doing real training. Translation: They're gonna mess with you and make sure you get sick while you're having a good time. The first thing they did to me was tell me to watch behind us as we're taking off. Sounded like a good idea until he hit the afterburner on takeoff. Remember G's? Well, when you're accelerating that quickly it's impossible to bring your head back around to front. It isn't real comfortable either.

Actually there's more to tell about the preparation than the ride. It's difficult to explain what it feels like. It's one of those "you had to be there things". All together I have approximately five hours of flying time on the F-16. The first time they took it easy on me and we just wandered around for a few hours. The second time they took me on a real (although relatively easy) mission. We did some air to ground and air to air engagements. I still don't completely recall what exactly we did in the air to air. We were all over the place, and I spent a lot of the time trying to figure out which way was up.

Did I mention what too many G's do to your vision? Well, as it becomes more difficult to keep blood going to your head everything goes black and white on you. Then your range of vision starts decreasing. It starts narrowing, like a cone. This is when you have to dig in and pretend like you really need to have a bowel movement.

Certifiable... Uh, I mean I'm certified to brag

Yes I got sick both times. I also got to fly both times. Not a lot, but enough to really make me appreciate the training the pilots go through. If you ever get the opportunity, don't pass it up. It's a heck of a ride! If you get a friendly pilot who isn't worried that you'll pass out on him you may even get a 9 G Certificate (pulled 9 G's).

Text of the 9 G Certificate:
This is to certify that "JAFA-Rease" having experienced the ultimate in aircraft acceleration and maneuverability, and having been physically tested in the "nine-g" environment is hereby cleared to claim acceptance in an exclusive and select group of pilots who have flown the world's finest fighter. - Capt Hansen, 22nd Fighter Squadron