Travel Tips

I'm enclosing a little "TOURIST'S PRAYER" for your enjoyment. Have a good laugh. But more importantly, DON'T make the same mistakes!




THE TOURIST'S PRAYER

Heavenly Father, look down on us as your humble and obedient tourist servants,
Who are doomed to travel this earth taking photographs,
mailing postcards, carrying armfuls of souvenirs
and walking around in drip-dry underwear.

We beseech thee O Lord to see that our plane is not hijacked,
our luggage is not lost and that our
overweight baggage goes unnoticed...
And that the customs officials be always understanding.

Give us this day divine guidance in the selection of our hotels
that we may find our reservations honored,
Our rooms made up and hot water running from the taps.
We pray that you will make the telephone work
and that the operator will speak our own language
and that there is no mail waiting for us from our children
forcing us to cancel the rest of our holiday.

Lead us to good inexpensive restaurants where the food is superb,
The waiters friendly and Chateaux wines are included in the price of the meal.
And let the coffee be not too strong to drink.

Give us wisdom to tip correctly in currencies that we do not understand.
Forgive us for under tipping out of ignorance and over tipping out of fear.

Grant us the strength to visit the historic sites, the mosques,
the cathedrals, the palaces, l7th century villages, the museums and ancient buildings listed in our guide books as a MUST and if, per chance we skip an outing or two to take a nap after the huge hotel lunch,
Have mercy on us for our flesh is weak.

Dear Lord, protect our wives from bargains they do not want
and cannot afford;
Lead them not into temptation for
they know not what they are doing or buying.

Almighty Father, keep our husbands from looking at foreign women
And comparing them with us.
Save our husbands from making fools of themselves in nightclubs and bars,
And above all, please DO NOT forgive them their sins,
For they know EXACTLY what they do.

And when our trip is over,
Grant us the favor of finding someone who will look at our home movies,
Listen to our stories and look at our photographs.
This we ask in the name of Conrad Hilton, Thomas Cook & American Express.

AMEN.