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| Page Views: 10,365 | Funny one liners! by marimar_72 - last update: Feb 13, 2009 |
01. I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, and therefore
I'm perfect.
02. I've got to sit down and work out where I stand.
03. If I save time, when do I get it back?
04. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
05. I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally. (not true to me though).
06. Take my advice, I don't use it anyway.
07. The statement below is true.
The statement above is false.
08. As I said before, I never repeat myself.
09. Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your
absence.
10. I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the
intelligence. There's a knob called brightness, but it
doesn't work. :-))
11. A conscience does not prevent sin. It only prevents
you from enjoying it.
12. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
13. War doesn't determine who's righ. War determines who's left.
14. Best way to prevent hangover is to stay drunk.
15. Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the
unexpected become the expected?
16. If your father is a poor man, it is your fate but,
if your father-in-law is a poor man, it's your stupidity.
17.I was born intelligent - education ruined me. *
18.A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where train stops. On my desk, I have a,work
station... What more can I say
19.If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
20.Since light travels faster than sound, people appear
bright Until you hear them speak.
21.How come "abbreviated" is such a long word ?
22.Don't frown. You never know who is falling in Iove
with your smile.
23.The Best of Provebs Should women have children after
35? No, 35 children are enough.
24.Living on Earth may be expensive... but it includes
an annual free trip around the Sun.
25.Your future depends on your dreams So go to sleep !
26.ALCOHOL KILLS SLOWLY So what ? Who's in a hurry ?
27.Love is photogenic; it needs darkness to develop
28.A good discussion is like a miniskirt; Short enough
to pertain interest and long enough to cover the subject.
29.A drunk was hauled into court. Mister, the judge
began, you've been brought here for drinking....
Great, the drunk exclaimed. When do we get started?
30.Can you do anything that other people can't?
Sure, I can read my handwriting.
31.Whom are you working for?* |
How Ironic Last month, a survey was conducted by the U.N. worldwide. The only question asked was:
" Would you please give your most honest opinion about a solution to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"
The survey was a HUGE failure...Because.. *
In Africa they did not know what "food" meant.
In Western Europe they did not know what "shortage" meant.
In Eastern Europe they did not know what "opinion" meant.
In the Middle East they did not know what "solution" meant.
In South America they did not know what "please" meant.
In Asia they did not know what "honest" meant.
And in the USA they did not know what "the rest of world " meant! |
|  | Questions & Answers* -Q:How many men does it take to open a beer?
A:None. It should be opened when she brings it.
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-Q:Why do women have smaller feet than men?
A:It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
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-Q:How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
A:When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."
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-Q:How do you fix a woman's watch?
A:You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
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-Q:Why do men die before their wives?
A:Because they want to.
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-Q:What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 lbs.
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Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.
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Q: What is the similarity between a wife and a chewing gum?
A: Both are sweet in the beginning and become tasteless and shapeless later.
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Very wise* I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was
Always.
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Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
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Advantages of having an affair with a married woman?
They give like hell. They do not yell. They do not tell. They do not swell and there is no wedding bell.
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Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something with which you'd like to have dinner with.
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Women are like fine wine. They all start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind and then turn full-bodied with age until they go all sour and vinegary and give you a headache.
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A woman once said that a man is like a deck of playing cards. You need:
A HEART to love him,
A DIAMOND to marry him,
A CLUB to smash his head in, and
A SPADE to bury the *****!
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 Comments for marimar_72 about World | | | | |
monina_c Fri Oct 16, 2009 02:38 UTC
Marimar that plane ride was almost 40 yrs ago. It is funny what the mind remembers. :) I guess like me, that plane ride made your daughter eager for more! | ludogatto Sun Oct 11, 2009 21:59 UTC
Thank you for your wishes! | Quero Fri Oct 2, 2009 13:09 UTC
Thanks so much for the birthday greetings! They certainly made my day sunnier. | vdoortje Tue Sep 8, 2009 14:31 UTC
Shukran habibaty! Planning Egypt somewhere in Spring next year. Sadly not this year (new CV heater to be bought). Januari 2nd grandchild in the making!!!! After that... March I think or April |
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