Travel Tips

FINANCIAL TERMINOLOGY
for the NEW MILLENNIUM

They may be familiar, but seems appropriate to reassess these terms which
have been updated to fit today's times ...

CEO: chief embezzlement officer.

CFO: corporate fraud officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake
himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the
wife gets no jewelery, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market
keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell

STOCK ANALYST! -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally
between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per
share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo

@ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a
nuthouse.