I was speaking with a Korean friend of mine who was talking about their group of friends: what they do for fun, where they go, etc. Then I asked, "how old are they." The answer? "The same as me, of course...they are my friends!"
This gets to the heart of the Korean seniority system. Those who are older or younger than you (even one year!) are either your senior (you defer to them) or your junior (they defer to you). However, and this is why some Koreans who you may not have a lot in common with will seem to see you as a friend immediately upon learning your age, people of the same age (or birth year) are considered equals. Even if they are at different stations in life they are, at heart, equals because they are the same age.
Thus the reason why Koreans will ask your age at the first meeting. If you are the same then you can get away with certain things: (i) you both can pour drinks without the customary elbow touching or two-handed pour, (ii) you can speak of intimate thoughts (this means about one's family or pricvate life) more quickly with less fear of overstepping bounds and (iii) you both can generally feel more at ease with each other. Even if one is older by a few months this isn't a big deal (although you can bring it up if you want to take care of the check...take care of your 'junior') because Koreans go by the year more than the exact date.
Be sure to remember people's age, though, especially those who are your own age...asking once or twice is fine, but if you ask many times it looks very bad. Koreans seem to have a compartment in their brains for this information...and you should keep it in mind too.
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on May 18, 2004
