"Things to Do in Amsterdam When You're Dead..." Amsterdam Warnings Or Dangers Tip by RudeManNistelrooy

Amsterdam Warnings and Dangers: 495 reviews and 311 photos

Things to Do in Amsterdam When You're (playing) Dead...

1) Show your arse to a boatload of OAP's, thus encouraging a couple of locals to identify you as "f**king English" and start your weekend off with some pride in your heart

2) Liven up your weekend with a few well chosen forfeits (for no apparent reason) - the finest of these being the 'play dead' routine, which if executed efficiently, should produce a reaction from all walks of life, from ugly German tourists to Amsterdam's boys in blue! Special note should be paid to those who 'dance the waltz of the dead' in a Burger King restaurant

3) Try to avoid all Scousers of the female variety. They will undoubtedly change the entire course of your weekend by enticing you down a back alley (which smells of p**s) and forcing you to digest magic mushrooms with a swig of Diet Coke. This is all washed down with a hash-cake, Corona and some Red Bull, just to make sure that your head will be deposited somewhere on Jupiter! Mind you, if you do end up in this state, look out for the midget on the custom-built BMX - he's a winner!

4) Whores are not called whores for no reason. They will rob you blind and toss you out like a dirty cabbage! On the other side of this, they are gorgeous and well worth spending at least half a day ogling at (especially after 10 Corona's and 5 Sambucca's!)

5) Columbian's should be avoided at all costs. They are insane, and will try to explain the facts of life to you whilst simultaneously staring at you as though they were about to gut you like a fish....

One last point - we don't make the rules....we just enforce them

Website: http://www.hoteldelahaye.com

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  • Written Aug 26, 2003
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