"OK, so a friend of mine who..." North Providence Favorite Tip by SueRivet

North Providence General: 1 reviews and 0 photos

Favorite thing: OK, so a friend of mine who lives in North Providence emailed me this chuckle, and I didn't know where to place it, so I'll just put it in his town.

Courtroom Questions
> Reported in the Massachusetts Bar Association Lawyers Journal, the
> following are questions actually asked of witnesses by attorneys during
> trials and, in certain cases, the responses given by insightful
> witnesses:
> 1. 'Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
> doesn't know about it until the next morning?'
> 2. 'The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?'
> 3. 'Were you present when your picture was taken?'
> 4. 'Were you alone or by yourself?'
> 5. 'Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?'
> 6. 'Did he kill you?'
> 7. 'How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?'
> 8. 'You were there until the time you left, is that true?'
> 9. 'How many times have you committed suicide?'
> 10. Q: 'So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?'
> A: 'Yes.'
> Q: 'And what were you doing at that time?'
> 11. Q: 'She had three children, right?'
> A: 'Yes.'
> Q: 'How many were boys?'
> A: 'None.'
> Q: 'Were there any girls?'
> 12. Q: 'You say the stairs went down to the basement?'
> A: 'Yes.'
> Q: 'And these stairs, did they go up also?'
> 13. Q: 'Mr.. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't
> you?
> A: 'I went to Europe, sir.'
> Q: 'And you took your new wife?'
> 14. Q: 'How was your first marriage terminated?'
> A: 'By death.'
> Q: 'And by whose death was it terminated?'
> 15. Q: 'Can you describe the individual?'
> A: 'He was about medium height and had a beard.'
> Q: 'Was this a male or female?'
> 16. Q: 'Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
> notice which I sent to your attorney?'
> A: 'No, this is how I dress when I go to work.'
> 17. Q: 'Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?'
> A: 'All my autopsies are performed on dead people.'
> 18. Q: 'All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go
> to?'
> A: 'Oral.'
> 19. Q: 'Do you recall the time that you examined the body?'
> A: 'The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.'
> Q: 'And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?'
> A: 'No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
> autopsy.'
> 20. Q: 'You were not shot in the fracas?'
> A: 'No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the naval.'
> 21. Q: 'Are you qualified to give a urine sample?'
> A: 'I have been since early childhood.'
> 22. Q: 'Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
> pulse?'
> A: 'No.'
> Q: 'Did you check for blood pressure?'
> A: 'No.'
> Q: 'Did you check for breathing?'
> A: 'No.'
> Q: 'So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
> began the autopsy?'
> A: 'No.'
> Q: 'How can you be so sure, doctor?'
> A: 'Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.'
> Q: 'But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?'
> A: 'It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law
> somewhere.'

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  • Written Oct 4, 2002
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