michaelxxx's VirtualTourist Home Page

My name is Michael Philip, I'm fat and am proud of it. I weigh 240lbs and I don't care! I love travelling so much that I don't care if i die in an airplane.

I Live with a screaming mom, a cranky dad, a crazy brother. I'm stuck in the middle between all their tantrums and alibis. For me, I believe I'm the sane one in my family, but just a brat.

But does this bother me? No. I am 100% happy to belong to a family like this. I believe my family is a needle in a haystack, do you agree?

Traveling together has always been a family tradition, but believe me we are not your typical "SOUND OF MUSIC" kind of family.

Traveling has never been boring in my family, even in a 1 week vacation we have tons of stories to tell, mostly about our fights and misfortunes. For instance:

Once in Malaysia in the crowded streets, my mom and brother decide to walk to the bus station to buy our tickets for Singapore, I opted to take a taxi because it looked like it was going to rain, but Noooo, my brother and his brilliant idea, wanted to walk and mom so naive agreed with him so I was out voted. For the first 10minutes the walk seemed fine, until "boom" thunder struck and what followed was a ton of rain! In less than a minute we were soaked, we waved for a taxi but all seemed full, my mom kept nagging and yelling at me because I would not stop complaining, so I got fed up and yelled at her “I WISH YOU GET RAN OVER BY THOSE CARS SO YOU’LL FINALLY SHUT UP!”

It must have been loud because the people around looked! But did my mom care? Noooo. when we got back to the hotel, my mom, my brother and me laughed hilariously at what just happened, like it was a comedy show.

I told you we are not your typical sound of music family!

"I want to go to a first world country this time". This is my mom's favorite quote. But you know what? It never comes true!

The last time we went to a first world country was in 2003, the rest were 3rd world countries such as India and Egypt. My family and I enjoy going on rugged vacations because WE love the thrill of danger.

We never stay in first class hotels but hostels and backpacking hotels, but thats what makes it so fun right?

My mom and dad are proud to say that they are the most cowboy in their family when it comes to traveling in accomodations and the choice of country. And me and my brother are proud of it!

Everytime we travel, there is alway a misfortune.

For instance in India:
One afternoon in Calcutta, we were looking in the bazaars and stuff, and it was finally time for us to go to another place. But first we had to CROSS the street. Uh oh... crossing the streets of Calcutta may be quite challenging.

So we waited for the cars to pass so we could cross, and here comes my dad in a hurry to get across. without me noticing he grabs my arms and tags us along with him to cross the street, boy... he nearly dragged us all to eternity (a car almost hit him but I guess it was not his time).

But you know, this is what makes traveling so fun and memorable!

Places we stay could be a hit or miss!
When you are on a budget travel, remember, not all places you'll be staying are nice, some could be really dingy and some could be clean.

In my family we were usually lucky with the places that we stayed because they were usually clean and comfortable for a cheap price, but of course we too had some lousy and dirty accommodations that we stayed in.

A good example was the one in Jerusalem. The hotel was the pits! It looked like a old century kind of building like the one’s in a gothic movie! The bathroom was to die! It’s a shared bathroom, but the people who use it are literally pigs! They don’t care to flush or clean the bathroom after they use it! The toilet is grotesque! You cannot flush tissue paper, so people throw it in the trash can near you, and when my dad saw the trash can, there were a lot of tissue papers with poop on it! It look like and smelled like its been there for days!

My mom wanted to die, especially with the bathroom! (she is a neat freak!) She kept on saying that she will look for a new hotel as soon as possible and she does not care if she has to pay even more! But to add to our dilemma, the hot showers off at 9pm! Once we arrived pass 9pm and, oh no! No more hot showers! We had to take a very fast bath in freezing water! And in the middle of the shower the lights suddenly off! And among people it happened to my mom! She had to take a bath with a flash light! She really Could not wait to leave this hotel! She even claimed that this was her purgatory!

In short, we died here! This hotel served as a short purgatory for all of us! Like what I said, every time you go on a budget travel, be prepared for a hit or miss!

This event happened in Barcelona, when I was still 11yrs old. I was fat and chubby that time and I look really innocent, like an angel, WRONG!

We stayed in this hostel were in the boys bathroom is right beside the girls bathroom.
So every time us boys take a bath we could see the girls take a bath.
One time, I gathered my courage and entered the girls bathroom, I saw 4 fat girls with their clothes still on chatting to each other, suddenly they looked at me, I thought they would get mad but suddenly they took off their clothes and smiled at me (They were in bra and panties), like with no malice…WRONG! I was not that innocent! I knew all about this stuff! (Hey, I was 11yr!)

They entered the shower and they started to shout in spanish, “VENGA, VENGA!”(Let’s go, let’s go!)
I suddenly found out they were dancing! (seen through curtains) Suddenly they started to scream, HOT! HOT! And they started to panic! I figured out that the water they were using turned into boiling water! They rush out with their bras and panties in front of me looking. Then they smiled at me!

Well, you can’t blame me, I was just a child right? No malice and so innocent right?

This event happened long before when my dad was courting my mom!
Once my mom and dad were driving along Melrose street, Los Angeles. They were just
chatting and having a good time, especially my dad, until….”Pruuut!” (Fart sounds!)

My mom said, that she heard a loud fart, and it came from my DAD! But this fart was one nasty one, it came with POOP!!! It started to stink the whole car! My mom wanted to puke! She claimed it smelled sooo BAD! My dad on the other hand was very embarrassed! He hardly knew mom, and this was his first time to court my mom!
On the way back to the apartment, my dad tried his best not to sit down on the car seat because he was afraid that the poop would spread some more in his butt! And my mom was suffering from the horrible smell of poop! (My mom was the one driving)

After minutes of hell, they finally reach the apartment where my dad was able to change clothes! And even after this incident, they still got married! Thus mom calling dad “The old fart!” But did this end here? NO!

16years after, we were in Germany, at my aunt’s house. Suddenly, “MICHAEL! COME HERE!!!” I heard my aunt calling me. I went to my aunt, she shows me a pair of jeans, with POOP ON IT! “MICHAEL! WHY DO YOU STILL POOP ON YOUR PANTS!?”

Wait a minute, those don’t look like mine? Those jeans weren’t mine! “I DON’T WEAR SIZE 38 JEANS!” (I was 11yrs old that time!) The answer simply flashed in my head! Those jeans belonged to DAD! And he pooped on it… AGAIN! And the blame was on me! Shame on you! Despite that I didn’t tell my aunt, but years later, my mom and I told her, and she laughed her head out! Dad, you will always be our “OLD FART!”

Note: Mom and Dad read all my stories including my brother, and they say they are our biggest fans!

And that's my family!
Even if we scream a lot, even if we have loud fights and all the misfortunes, WE really love each other! Like i said, we are not your typical "SOUND OF MUSIC" kind of family, like us or not we will be THE SAME! Dont worry, Once your in my family you will get use to our screamings, and alibis, BELIEVE ME! Oh and for those who are wondering what my xxx means in my name, Its means "THREE BIG KISSES FOR THE WORLD!!!!"

NOTE: Read behind the scenes for much more never seen events and fights!

NOTE: By the way, I will be writing about tips on the best meals and delicacies on each country I've been too, and other useful tips. Oh yeah! I'm also writing about 'real events' that happened to my family.

Thanks for reading!

NOTE: My brother has a virtual tourist page too. matt10gonzalez, he writes crazy (like bathrooms around the world and how he feels about it) but more on the boring side. (Like scenery, how to get to that country and whatever!)

NOTE: Are you sick of fun and wacky stories from me and my brother Matt??? Well I have the right person for you, its one of my closest dear cousin, Annabanana, she writes serious but yet humor that is read between the lines. Say hi to her, she'll appreciate it alot! her vt name is Annabanana16. Thanks!

matt10gonzalez Fri Oct 12, 2007 10:51 PHT Comment:
WOW!!! I didn't know my brother is SO GOOD in writing!! Did you know he's the only one in his high school that does this!
Wow!! Your 1 week absence in school is wonderful- you learned a WHOLE LOT more by making this thing!