Melbourne Tourist Trap Tips by sirgaw

Hook Turns - not for the faint hearted

One of the most perplexing things about Melbourne is our unique "Hook Turns." Until about 15 years ago there were only 5 hook turn intersections and all in the central business district, but be warned as there has been a population explosion of those dreaded turns and some could even find their way to an intersection near you (could almost be an export income earner for the city).

The first thing to look for is the distinctive sign (see photo) placed before an intersection and in the intersection usually hanging from the tram wires - and there is the reason for these turns; to keep the intersections clear so the trams are not held up by those who want to right turn. Some say the tram drivers take no prisoners and just go straight through anything in their path.

Below is a web link to an animated on-line instruction on how to use our crazy turns, but here's my version:
1. Approach intersection from LEFT lane with right blinker flashing
2. Pray
3. Proceed into intersection and stay as close as you can to the white pedestrian zone line without hitting too many pedestrians.
4. Wipe perspiration from brow and hands - particularly hands as you don't want the steering wheel to slip from your white-knuckle grasp.
5. Just before reaching the furtherest point in the intersection and without hitting any pedestrians or traffic lights, hard turn to the right so your vehicle starts to turn.
6. Stop as close as you can to facing traffic light.
7. Take 5 Valiums
8. When traffic light facing you turns red complete turn BUT check to make sure that no-one - and in particular trams and taxis - has run the red light.
9. Take off as quickly as you can and before you get run down by traffic going in the same direction of travel.
10. Pull over as soon as possible and clean up mess under and on seat.

Suggest you might like to practice several times on a quiet day before attempting in peak periods. Warning, it takes some people 1,000 attempts to get the turn correct and almost never for volvo drivers.

Melbourne's Hook Turns

Dangerous "Sky Smileys"

It was a night to behold - the 1st December 2008 - when Melbourne (and southern Australia) witnessed a strange sight - a large "smiley" appeared from the heavens ☺☻. The unusual astronomical event occurred when Venus, Jupiter and a three-day-old crescent Moon nearly "aligned" to form the face over our city.

OK so why is this a tourist trap? Well people were craning their necks to see and without looking where they were going, crashed into light poles, traffic signs, other people and cars.

So it is strongly suggested that the next "smiley" event ☺which is expected to be in another 5 years, that you avoid this city and go somewhere else for the night - ouch, who just bumped into me? ☻

The 2 photos of the event were taken about 1 hour apart.

Other than that, can I say ♥ u ☺