Your Own Mind and other Morocco Tourist Trap Tips

You don't get Islam, bargaining isn't for you, food doesn't sit right with you and you are terrified of accidently swallowing water while you brush your teeth, Riffian music doesn't reach you, you can't get into the restaurants you want when you want to and when you do they aren't serving alcohol, you speak almost no other language but English, you don't see why Moroccans can smoke almost anywhere, people seem hot tempered, streets are properly marked every few kilometers like the UK or the States, you think the women hate their lives here - that they have no freedom, they are leather chewing slaves of their men - you think the men could be terrorists, you want to wear your shorts and t-shirt into a mosque and don't see what the big deal would be if you did, you are wondering where all the belly dancers are...

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At Least Do This: Your mind has almost successfully destroyed this trip.

I would suggest falling in love. It's the only thing that can destroy the boundaries you've got. It could be love of a friend you have made. It could be love of divine energies. It could be someone in your family who isn't as neurotic as you as is enjoying the trip.

Love. Love will save the day (and night)

What is the problem with them? Really, it boils down to accountability. The hotel/travel company/tour group that provides you with a licensed guide has insurance, a rep to keep, etc. The faux guide has nothing to insure your (or his) safety.
With an unlicensed guide, you can spend time with police explaining your connection to him after he is arrested.

Just so you know, good unlicensed guides can be way cooler and more fun than good licensed ones. You'll feel closer to the action with them.

But you don't need them, so if avoiding trouble is part of your M.O don't take an unlicensed guide.

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At Least Do This: If you are offered their services in the medina, ignore them. People suggest that it isn't the thing to do. I disagree.
Alternative: I will keep building on this space since it is a common concern.

You may feel the need to go here because you want the standardized food of the US or UK or whatever your frequented McD's Home country might be.
McD's sucks here* - even my moroccan friends do not see it as a 'treat' (unlike Pizza Hut)

* I admit I don't really eat it anywhere.

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At Least Do This: The Fes McDonalds is quite attractive, great place for a bit of a view, very respectful of Ramadan. Bring a bottle of water and sit down for a bit.

Food still sucks.

You would like to know what to wear in the country, what the Eid might mean for traveling, where Moroccans sympathies are on the subject of traveling Americans or Jews, etc.... Point is, YOU have some big questions before your trip - and NOBODY is answering them.
You know they are there, answering posts right beside yours. What's wrong with your post?

Let your hot poppa take care of you - here goes.

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At Least Do This: Sample question:
What will I do about travel during the Eid?

Simple. Could be handled by the locals. But it won't. Try again.

(revised)Sample question:
I am a blonde girl traveling alone looking for a trip to the sahara in a 4x4. What will I do about travel during the Eid?

Boom. Watch those guys scramble to tell you about the travel disruptions, numbers you can call, meaning of Abraham's sacrifice, etc...

Possible answers might be withholding - but just reel im in, baby...

(revised)Sample answer from "Monica2001":

Helo i am american girl 35. i love help around the world travel friend. i recent meet with cute man in the sahara he is moha at www.mohalovescamels.com to make landcruiser delight. e-mail me at fiyakharra@yahoo.fr

Game on. You need your travel info - so here goes.

(revised)Sample response from you to answerer:

Thank you, Monica. I will call them when I find out: what will I do about travel during the Eid?

You'll get your answer.

This is a culture shock question related to Muslims in Morocco that could be useful to you, my friendly and curious travelmonkey.

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At Least Do This: Self-control vs Repression

What's the difference? With a divorce rate you can safely bet on, America doesn't know. All of our rules are vestiges of things political, religious, etc... but most of them aren't felt. Ash Wednesday is sober up or sleep day for we exiled New Orleanians.

Here's a hint - Moroccan self-control results in being empowered by choices, even when it involves passing up something some part of you desires.

Repression is when you are disempowered by someone or something.

Morocco has over 1300 years to throw Ramadan off - if it was dangerous, disempowering, repressive and the like it would have went the way of slavery and a good deal of Moulay Ismail's empire building aspirations.
Alternative: You may not have a new friend by the time you leave, no-one wondering where you went, no-one you can remember the name of.

But this tip is for those of you who want to reach Morocco's soul, and even if your new friends don't resemble the generalized characters I have created as examples, your interest and time spent learning about some of their culture will have it's payoff in a warm embrace of a Moroccan welcome (and sad goodbye)

Morocco
Learn Arabic
Bargaining pt 1

Again, burning questions that I keep getting asked.
Here, my gentle travelmonkey, are your requested burning answers.

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At Least Do This: Most folks want serious answers to serious questions. Like 1)“Seriously, does your God have 4 arms and fangs?” and 2)“Seriously, can you take a train (from New Orleans) to Africa?” and 3)“Seriously, why do they (Muslims) hate our freedoms?”
Well, my dear Most Folks, here are Quick serious answers for the first two.
1. Seriously, no. Wait. I don’t know.
2. Seriously, no.

I would like to answer number ‘3’ with Seriously, no...etc. so I can keep the rhythm going here. But that wouldn’t be the greatest answer.
The also-not-greatest-but-decidedly-better answer to question three is that I have never heard any Muslim in my Muslim and non-Muslim life say anything about hating anyone for their freedoms. Write me here if you hate anyone’s freedom, with a tiny idea how you’d like to get rid of it, whether with local votes, spooky terrorist webcasts, or sitting down with a group of free people and TALKING to them as you fly them in a government building. I am not expecting alot of letters - surprise me, freedom haters.
I have heard things from Muslims not liking America’s supporting Israel. I am sure there is hate out there - especially online - I just haven’t encounted it.
They don’t hate Israel’s freedom either. Unless it’s their freedom to bulldoze families homes with the families still in them.
I have heard things about Muslims being unhappy with the power of the UN. Jam’s guess: Muslims have a strong sense of community and probably are shocked over and over to see something called the United Nations constantly over a barrel. (For my non-English speaking friends: “over a barrel” is confusing. But simply, being put over a barrel is near historically undesirable; go on, reader, put someone over a barrel and see if they like it. They probably won’t. If they do - write to me so we can have a new expression “As happy as (your name) over a barrel.”)

More on Islam and America in my next blog “Why do whales hate us?”
Alternative: One Moroccan carpet seller in Fes told me of Morocco's national martial art: A big heart.

So.

Come prepared.

Nothing on "the carpet scam"- however, maybe this will help!

1) Prostitution scam! Tourists come to a medina hoping to score with pre-teens at a really invitingly low cost, sometimes even in exchange for drugs. Well, the tourist generously gives about 10 USD and then - POOF - the underage trick disappears. There's something to warn the tourist about!

2) Drug scam! Tourists trying to get a great deal on drugs from street urchins here find that what they bought wasn't quite the quality they were expecting.

3) Pottery scam! Tourist buys a barf-colored ceramic bowl against his better judgement when told that it is authentic, real Moroccan. The tourist returns home from Morocco, and that obnoxious polychromatic bowl created in Safi offends every eye it meets and, finally, a Moroccan neighbor says he would never use a bowl like that.

For scams like these: I think that your program will help... Not only helping potential tourists on a budget, but also helping to change the perception of so many misguided people who see many tourists as pathetic, miserly, thrill-seeking sexual predators morbidly lusting after the exotic then ***ing about how they got jacked...changing that perception to seeing them as pitiable victims.

Fallen foul,
Jamal Morelli

p.s The details of "the carpet scam" are to be found in the Key of Solomon and involve animal sacrifice and a passing familiarity with the Pseudomonarchia Daemonum. It probably deserves it's own TV special. How about, "Magic Carpet Ride? Jewish Kabbalists, Arab Alchemists, and the Carpet Scam in Morocco."

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