"Not over till the Fat ..." a Liechtenstein Travel Page by CliffClaven

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Old Cliffie can just about understand why a publisher would give Bill Bryson, the most popular travel writer of the 1990s, a fat advance to fund a couple of trips to Australia so that he could write about damp downpours in Daintree and surly service in Sydney. But he really wonders why so many people buy his books to read about Liechtenstein and hotels he didn't stay in and orange juice he didn't drink.

Well eat crow, Bill Bryson, because when old Cliffie went to Liechtenstein he did drink the orange juice at the Hotel Real and he did stay at the Vaduzer Hof. And, on one of his trips, he made an entrance worthy of at least three pages of Bill Bryson's enthusiastic and mocking prose. Old Cliffie staggered into the Vaduzer Hof with his companion in his arms. No, old Cliffie hadn't just married the buxom wench, nor - which was more likely - was she the worse for wear because of drink. The silly girl had fallen down the stairs the day before and her ankle had ballooned to elephantine proportions. 'Matching her hips,' old Cliffie was heard to mutter, safe in the knowledge that he could run faster than she could hop.

Anyway, old Cliffie got her up the steps of the Vaduzer Hof, installed her in the room and went off in search of sustenance. While she languished, he lingered. Indeed, he managed to stay long enough in the Old Castle Inn to revive his spirits and become his usual cheery self again. Of course, it helped that he made the firm decision that when he next came to Liechtenstein it would be with someone somewhat lighter.