"Not over till the Fat Lady limps" Liechtenstein by CliffClaven

Liechtenstein Travel Guide: 440 reviews and 1,234 photos

Old Cliffie can just about understand why a publisher would give Bill Bryson, the most popular travel writer of the 1990s, a fat advance to fund a couple of trips to Australia so that he could write about damp downpours in Daintree and surly service in Sydney. But he really wonders why so many people buy his books to read about Liechtenstein and hotels he didn't stay in and orange juice he didn't drink.

Well eat crow, Bill Bryson, because when old Cliffie went to Liechtenstein he did drink the orange juice at the Hotel Real and he did stay at the Vaduzer Hof. And, on one of his trips, he made an entrance worthy of at least three pages of Bill Bryson's enthusiastic and mocking prose. Old Cliffie staggered into the Vaduzer Hof with his companion in his arms. No, old Cliffie hadn't just married the buxom wench, nor - which was more likely - was she the worse for wear because of drink. The silly girl had fallen down the stairs the day before and her ankle had ballooned to elephantine proportions. 'Matching her hips,' old Cliffie was heard to mutter, safe in the knowledge that he could run faster than she could hop.

Anyway, old Cliffie got her up the steps of the Vaduzer Hof, installed her in the room and went off in search of sustenance. While she languished, he lingered. Indeed, he managed to stay long enough in the Old Castle Inn to revive his spirits and become his usual cheery self again. Of course, it helped that he made the firm decision that when he next came to Liechtenstein it would be with someone somewhat lighter.

Intro Written Sep 10, 2002
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Reviews (10)

We are the Champions! Sports & Outdoors (2)

After failing to score a single goal in the 2002 World Cup campaign, tiny Liechtenstein surprised even themselves when... more travel advice

Liechtenstein vor, schiesst ein Tor! - Liechtenstein

Liechtenstein vor, schiesst ein Tor! Sports & Outdoors (2)

Lonely Planet don't do Liechtenstein - at least not in a separate volume. So if you want to know something about the... more travel advice

Walk - well, limp - on the wild side - Liechtenstein

Walk - well, limp - on the wild side Nightlife (1)

Vaduz has only a couple of thousand inhabitants, so don't expect to cruise the clubs at night looking for who's hot and... more travel advice

Hans-Adam II Local Customs (1)

The current monarch of Liechtenstein, His Serene Highness Prince Hans-Adam II, came to the throne in 1989. Unlike the... more travel advice

Comments (48)

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Helenbb Jun 24, 2008 at 12:53 AM

hello hello. welcome back to work. haha
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Wild_Orchid Jun 22, 2008 at 10:36 PM

champagne and orange juice-what's the difference-I won't tell, if you don't! LOL
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Anjutka Apr 11, 2008 at 12:31 AM

Hi! Nice page about this "great"country:-)
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Pieter11 Mar 26, 2007 at 6:57 AM

Nice page about Liechtenstein! Great personal touch: like on the football-team! Thanks! Pieter
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SLLiew Nov 8, 2006 at 4:34 AM

Great tips on Liechtenstein. Hard to spell. Received your "Stamp" postcard from Liech. and "Luxair" postcard from Lux. Nice pair. Thanks so much. Cheers, SL
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Buckz Jul 28, 2004 at 10:28 AM

Great commentary- sure you don't secretly want to be Bill?
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pedersdottir Jun 2, 2004 at 1:09 AM

...and they danced the Liechtensteiner polka and lived happily ever after....
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nighthawk Jan 16, 2004 at 8:07 AM

very pleasant to read .. nice pics...had all forgotten bout liechtenstein but i hope to be passing thru this summer
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ABL1958 Dec 5, 2003 at 6:37 PM

You give Bill a run for his money. Very enjoyable reading although I must say I have sympathy for that swollen-ankled wench!
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craic Nov 12, 2003 at 6:01 AM

Gotta say I cannot stand Bill Bryson. But I like you.