"Woodhouses - A Paradise Lost" Failsworth by wakey01

The pretty hamlet of Woodhouses nestles between Ashton-u-Lyne, Oldham and Manchester.

Although surrounded by the relatively poorer neigbourhoods of Failsworth and Newton upon the Heath, this should not distract from the splendour of this respected principality.

Housing within the compact village area is much sought after, and prices are currently at a premium given the picturesque setting of this quaint idyll.

Located at the very heart of the village is the local watering hole " The Woodhouse Gardens" public house.

The tavern is famous for it's culinary delicacies and it's plethara of fabulous chip dishes. A local favourite is the succulent baguette d'steak with a fresh leaf salad and an ample portion of scalding hot fries. Hmmm!!!!

Also available on the substantial a'la carte menu is a fine selection of prime cuts of locally produced meats. The landlady of this establishment Miss Tracy Stevenson ( a former Playmate of the month ) has been quoted as saying " Folk come from far and wide to sink their teeth into my juicy loins".

The hostelry also prides itself in the provision of an outstanding selection of fine cask ales, with local broadsheet " The Advertiser" ironically commenting " Every pint pulled tasted different".

Local patron Mr Brian Moore, who only resides a stones throw away from the tavern has even invested in his own bar stool, and can be found comfortably seated there most afternoons and evenings. " It's like a home from home" quipped the portly squire.

The main village thoroughfare also boasts it's own Working Mens Club. The club, referred to locally as "Stringfellows" is a pit of excitement on a Saturday evening as locals revel in their own infamous version of stand up bingo.

Village bingo veteran Mrs Ethel Boothroid ( aged 134 ) could hardly contain her excitement at scooping last weeks 45 week rollover prize of £12 and a case of stout. " The fame won't affect me" she stressed, " I will still be up at 4.30am tomorrow morning to help Mr Boothroid plough the fields"

For the more sporty residents, the village is equipped with it's own Golf and Cricket Clubs. The Cricket club is best served in the summer months where many a balmy afternoon is passed quaffing a foaming flagon whilst listening to the sweet sound of leather on willow.

This account, although brief epitomises the appeal of this slumbering giant. There is plenty more to see and do in this heavenly place and this leafy suberb truly deserves the tag " Beverly Hills". Much like it's American counterpart across the great mill pond, it should be visited now, before it is " Too Late".

Take heed!!

• Pros:Friendly people, a piquant atmosphere, JW Lees bitter
• Cons:Tourists, Easter Weekend Free-for-all.
• In a nutshell:Woohouses is the rightful 8th Wonder Of The World