"Where to next...." Larnie's Profile
I have just returned from 5 weeks in France/Italy and really need to get hooked on VT again and plan my next trip!
Ever wanted to quit your job, sell everything and travel the world??
It's the greatest feeling to be free of all responsibilities and just choose your path day to day.
The freedom of not knowing where you will be next and what adventures you will run into along the way.
Well that's what I did and have never regretted it for a moment!
When you are standing at the top of the Empire State Building, floating down the Mekong River in a long boat sitting on an onion bag or climbing the great mountains of the Himalayas, it's hard to wipe the smile of your face and the feeling that it was all worth it!!!
To all backpackers, ex-backpackers and wannabies;
Having trouble readjusting to life back at home now that the travelling is over? Here's a few handy hints to help you settle back in
1. Replace your bed with two or more bunk beds, and every night invite random people to sleep in your bedroom with you. Ensure at least once a week a couple gets drunk and shags on one of the top bunks. Remove beds one by one as symptoms improve.
2. Sleep in your sleeping bag, forgetting to wash it for months. Add some bugs in order to wake up with many unsightly bites over your arms and legs.
3. Enlist the help of a family member to set your radio alarm to go off randomly during the night, filling your room with loud talking. This works best if the station is foreign. Also have several mobiles ringing, without being answered. To add to the torture, ask a friend to bring plastic bags into your room at roughly 6 in the morning and proceed to rustle them for no apparent reason for a good half an hour.
4. Keep all your clothes in a rucksack. Remember to smell them before putting them on and reintroduce the use of the iron SLOWLY.
5. Buy your favourite food, and despite living at home, write your name and when you might next be leaving the house on all bags. This should include mainly pasta, 2 minute noodles, carrots and beer.
6. Ask a family member to every now and again steal an item of food, preferably the one you have most been looking forward to or the most expensive. Keep at least one item of food far too long or in a bag out in the sun, so you have to spend about 24 hours within sprinting distance of the toilet.
7. Even if it's a Sunday, vacate the house by 10a.m., and then stand on the corner of the street looking lost. Ask the first passer-by of similar ethnic background if they have found anywhere good to go yet.
8. When sitting on public transport (the London Tube would be ideal) introduce yourself to the person sitting next to you, say which stop you got on at, where you are going, how long you have been travelling and what university you went to. If they say they are going to Morden, say you met a guy on the central line who said it was terrible and that you've heard Parsons Green is better and cheaper.
9. Finally stick paper in your shower so that the water comes in just a drizzle. Adjust the hot/cold taps at regular intervals so that you are never fully satisfied with the temperature. Because of this frustration, shower infrequently. These simple but effective instructions should help you fall back into normal society with the minimum effort.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street?
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks?
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does
not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every tuesday night in Kings
Cross. Come naked.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia?
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round?
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its
name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees.
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum
trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare
them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia?
A: Only at Christmas.
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