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Im a schizophrenic,and so am i

Blind man and his dog....

A blind man is walking down the street with his seeing eye dog one day. They come to a busy intersection, and the dog, ignoring the high volume of traffic zooming by on the street, leads the blind man right out into the thick of traffic. This is followed by the screech of tires and horns blaring as panicked drivers try desperately not to run the pair down.

The blind man and the dog finally reach the safety of the pavement on the other side of the street, and the blind man pulls a cookie out of his coat pocket which he offers to the dog. A passerby, having observed the near fatal incident, can't control his amazement and says to the blind man, "Why on earth are you rewarding your dog with a cookie? He nearly got you killed!"

The blind man turns partially in his direction and replies, "To find out where his head is, so I can kick his ass."

Ewwwweeeeee...ladies room

A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet, rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. He does so and she begins to gently caress his beard, which is full and bushy.
"Are you the landlord?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.
"Actually, no" he replies.
"Well, can you get him for me - I need to speak to him?" the woman asks, running her hands up beyond his beard and into his thick hair.
"I'm afraid I can't," breathes the barman -clearly aroused "is there anything I can do?".
"Yes there is. I need you to give him a message," she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to lick them gently. "Tell him that there is no toilet paper in the ladies room.".

HAVE YOU EVER WONDERED?????

Why the hell do they sterilize the needle before a leathal injection? i have,ive asked the guys on death row..(honest) but they have no idea..
Apparently 1 in 5 people are chineese...i have 5 people in my family..so its got to be one of them,i thought it may be my mom or my dad..(sorry dad)..or my younger brother mark,or..my older brother Ho-Chan Chu..but personally i think its mark...

My intention is to put a smile on a persons face,as most people reach to vt to look at places they wish they were but didnt have the money to go to..SHAME ON YOU RICH PEOPLE!!!!...usually when you are at work..staring facinated..you are so facinated you just stare at your work all day long and nothing gets done! familiar????...im just a normal female,trying to enjoy life,some people say i suffer from insanity??noooooo i enjoy every minute of it!!!!
My wish is to see the world...find out the person i really am,denounce my family..(again,sorry dad)..and do all the things that you pretend you are too shy to do but secretly cant wait to do them...Then my wish is to die happy in my sleep,just like my grandfather..not like the people kicking and screaming in his car!....

VT an experience...

This is a great place to meet new people from different countries..find all those brothers and sisters you never knew about that your dad kept secret..(im REALLY sorry dad).. and make lots of friends...i really must give a mention to my 2 friends, Jinete and Grant..Hiya!!..without them i would be totally insane. thankyou grant for giving me lunch every day and sharing your humour..and Jinete,thanks babe for being my friend of the night..and telling me where to draw the line with my humour..lol

ABIDE BY THE LAW,S OF EACH COUNTRY!!!

When we visit different countries and cities it is allways handy to know some facts of the laws that we must abide by,so that we do not end up in jail,or worse!..I have a great interest in law,and wanted to share with you some of the funnier ones foe people to remember when on our travels,and yes they are all true!!!

In Texas it's illegal to have sex with a fish. In Florida, it's illegal to get a fish drunk. And in North Carolina they've combined the two - it's illegal to have sex with a drunken fish!

Pink pants cannot be worn outdoors after midday in Victoria, Australia. And in the city of Melbourne, a man can be fined if he is wearing a woman's strapless dress.

In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals - as long as the beasts are female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death.

In Cambodia it is illigal to use a water gun in new year celebrations..Officials in the country claim that the use of water pistols has become out of control recently. Participants in the celebrations have been known to fill the water guns with sewage, and disturb traffic flows with them.

In Alaska It is an offence to push a live moose out of a moving aeroplane.

In Florida It is illegal for a woman to bungie jump naked on Sunday before midday.

My favourite places to visit...

1) Sharm,Egypt..my fav place,diving,out of this world,made so many great friends here,and the weather is hot hot hot!!!!!

2) Istanbul..i fell in love with the place and made some good friends there,good for history,but not so good for nightlife,beautiful buildings.

3) Barcalona, great for salsa,amazing buildings,very romantic at night and my god the men can dance there!

4)Fuertaventura,The best beaches i have ever seen,very cheap and great nightlife.

5)Home...it dosnt matter where i go,i just keep coming back...

  • Intro Updated Nov 4, 2010
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vickydeakin

“Dance is a universal language...”

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victoria deakin
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Dudley, United Kingdom
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Jan 2, 2005

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