San Francisco Tourist Trap Tips by Karnubawax

Y'know... I really was resistant to saying this, but, upon further reflection, I have to agree with the other folks on this page that Haight Street is now a bona fide tourist trap.

Ten years ago this wasn't the case... the Haight (or, more specifically, the Haight/Ashbury or Upper Haight) was a vibrant, cohesive neighborhood. The folks who worked in the shops all lived there, played in bands there, went out to the great nightclubs and bars there, and were part of a real, working neighborhood.

The "dot-com boom" changed all that. Seemingly overnight rents got so high and places so scarce that most artist types had to leave. The people who could afford to live here demanded that the neighborhood quiet down to suit their relaxed tastes, and one by one the nightclubs and bars started closing down. Today all that's left are the shops, the yuppies, and the bums.

While you will see lots of Bohemian types in the shops, they, for the most part, do not live here. If you want to go to where the actual Haight neighborhood is, you'll have to go about a half mile to the east down the hill to the area of Haight Street between Divisadero and Fillmore. This is the Lower Haight. It's where I live and indeed is home to lots of us who fled the Upper Haight when the music died (this last round of it anyway..)

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At Least Do This: The Upper Haight is still worth a visit - if only for nostalgia's sake. If you want to get a litle flavor of Haight Street, a few morsels still exist.

The Red Vic - a great place to catch a flick (see my tip)

ChaChaCha - one of the best restaurants in SF

The DeLuxe - really one of only 3 cool bars in the Upper Haight

Persian Aub Zam Zam - the other cool bar

Murio's Trophy Room - the other other cool bar

Vintage clothing stores - some are better than others - see my travelogue for some ideas

Bound Together - Anarchist book store
Alternative: A great alternative is the Lower Haight. While it may not have as many boutiques (and absolutely NO tie-dye), the Lower Haight is a genuine neighborhood with lots of hopping nightlife. The locals are the usual tattooed/pierced/black-clad types you'll find in most "Bohemian" neighborhods, but many of these folks actually have families! Most are in their late 20's and 30's (and beyond).

The real spirit of the Haight - and I'm NOT talking about the tie-dye flower power stuff that died over 30 years ago - is here. If I had to choose between the Haights - I'd say skip the phony charachiture of Bohemian SF and see the real thing.

Pier 39 is, depending on your point of view, tourist heaven or tourist hell. Locals avoid this tourist holding pen like the plague, and for good reason.

What can you expect to see? Tourists - of all shapes and sizes - loud colors and even louder voices - Abercrombie & Fitch and Tommy Hilfiger as far as the eye can see. You can grab a $12 plate of shrimp or a $5 scoop of ice cream, sit on a bench and pretend you're back at your hometown mall. Many of the same stores will be there.

The cool ocean breeze and vague, nautical theme are the only things that suggest you're in San Francisco. You could very easily be in Monterey, or San Diego, or Penn's Landing, or anywhere. Pier 39 is San Francisco -thoroughly cleansed of San Francisco-ness. If Disneyland had a place called "Friscoland," it would look exactly like Pier 39. Call it "Branson by the Bay!"

The only locals you will see here are those dragged here (kicking and screaming) by out of town guests. The expensive restaurants are just OK, and the cheaper places are just lousy. The stores range from interesting but overpriced (Magnet shop) to just plain stupid.

If shopping at tacky malls for overpriced, ugly souveniers surrounded by loud, pushy tourists is you're idea of fun... then by all means go. But this isn't San Francisco by any means. It's a mall - plain & simple - designed for people who want to be in San Francisco but, at the same time, want everything to be exactly like it is at home.

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At Least Do This: If you take the Alcatraz tour, you may be tempted to stroll over to Pier 39. Sucker! At least go and see the sea lions - you can walk along the western outer walk, see the sea lions, and not step foot in Pier 39! The sea lions are most plentiful outside of summer; during the summer the docks may be deserted.

Oh yeah... if you want to take the Alcatraz tour - MAKE RESERVATIONS! And if you have reservations, allow LOTS of time to get to the dock. If you can't get on the Alcatraz tour, take the Bay Cruise or Angel Island boat - anything to get on the water - and away from Pier 39! Even Fisherman's Wharf - tacky tourist trap that it is - has at least SOMETHING to do with San Francisco. Pier 39 is every single bit as lame as you've heard. And, if you go, you'll find that, if anything, these criticisms aren't harsh enough!