Vienna Things to Do Tips by themajor

Ah Vienna! Middle European city of culture,cakes, Mozart, cakes, spies, cakes, Christkindlemarkts, cakes and...'er...cakes! Well to be honest, I've slightly underplayed the cake business, for make no mistake, when in Vienna you must make it your sworn duty your duty to consume as many of these calorific confections as is humanely possible! Please note however that decorum must be observed and marks will be awarded for nifty napkin work and the stylish sipping of chilled water from the obligatory glass which appears alonside every ordered beverage. Be warned that points will be deducted from those wearing the blighted baseball cap (clothing accesory of the Devil!)

Here in the United Kingdom there is much to be said for the custard tart, Eccles cake and Chelsea bun. As cakes they are not to be laughed at...and in many of our cheaper bakeries they are not to be eaten either! But in all honesty, compared to the delicacies on offer in Vienna, our pastries crumble in comparison!

When in Wien you will struggle to find a tawdry torte. Your main difficulty will be making a choice from the hundreds on offer. By all means go to Demels (beautiful but busy), don't shirk from sampling the Sacher Café's Sacher Torte (pleasant but not perfect), seek out the Imperial Hotel's Imperial Torte and don't forget the Landtmann's...'er....need I even name it? In conclusion let's not forget the advice of Marie Antoinette (born 1755 in Vienna) shortly before she received that rather severe haircut: "Let them eat cake!"

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Address: Vienna's traditional cafes
Directions: Everywhere and unavoidable!

Although a visit to the the Imperial burial vaults beneath the Kapuzinerkirche might not appear on you list of 'Jolly Things to do in Vienna', may I be amongst the first to beg you to reconsider. Although having a macabre personality, a Goth in the family, or a mother-in-law to frighten off the Atkins Diet would all be good reasons to seek out these vaults, all you really need is a capacity to appreciate that, even in death, art has it's place. The extraordinary sculpted coffins that line the vaults beggar simple description and you feel a sense of awe rather than morbidity.

Those with a historical bent will be interested to seek out the resting place of the regally famous/infamous...for example the last reigning Emperor, Franz Josef and his son Rudolf (he of Mayerling fame). Archduke Franz Ferdinand the assassinated WWI catalyst is not here (Schloss Arstetten is where he's buried) but my own favourite, poor Maximilian I of Mexico most certainly is. Poor fellow...

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Phone: Wien 5126853
Address: Tegetthoffstrasse 2
Directions: U-bahn Stephansplatz

The Prater's popularity - certainly as far as visiting tourists are concerned - has much to do with a certain 'big wheel' that appears in a certain iconic film...more of which below. As for the park itself, well, I'm not sure I'm the person to ask. I mean, even a large escalator seems like a bare-knuckle ride to me but I'd guess that many of the Prater's rides are unlikely to tempt those theme-park denizens who trawl the world in search of thrills. Certainly venturing here late at night with paper money stapled to your clothes might be 'dangerous' and 'thrilling'...though not in a way I'd recommend! In truth, all funfairs are slightly seedy but perhaps this is part of the attraction?

No, go during the day or at night in a crowd. On balance it's probably not a good idea to over-indulge and wake up next to that 'Dizzy Mouse' ride...even inebriated cat lovers would probably find it all too much!

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Address: The funfair and park at Praterrstern
Directions: Praterrstern underground stop. Opening times vary throughout the year!

Well, the first thing to recommend about the Riesenrad - or giant ferris wheel to you and me - is that it was built in 1897 by Walter Basset, an Englishman! Hurrah!! It has become one of Vienna's most iconic landmarks solely due to the famous film adaptation of Graham Greene's novel 'The Third Man'. It might not be sought out by thrill-seekers but it certainly is by film buffs. If you haven't seen the film you might find yourself seriously underwhelmed, but if you've long savoured Joseph Cotton's celebrated scene with Orson Welles you wont leave the city without taking a turn on the wheel. I almost hate to point it out but their scene in the movie was actually filmed on a studio set...but the external scenes are totally pukka and there for everyone to see. I braved my rather sad fear of heights to go on the Riesenrad and was remarkably calm until the wind rocked the closed wooden carriege as we rested at the 12 'o clock postion. Hardly bungee-jumping I know but I was suitably pleased with myself..and no, I'm not going back on it!

One further word, the Prater park is perhaps a touch on the seedy side (quite safe though) - aren't most funfairs?- and hardly in an elegant part of Vienna, so perhaps a daytime trip is best for the faint-heatred!

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Address: The Giant Ferris Wheel at Praterrstern
Directions: Pratenstern underground stop. Opening times differ throughout the year!
Website: www.wienerriesenrad.com

What can I say! When I joined VT I thought I'd provide erudite reviews of art galleries opera and architecture but I appear to have compromised and I'm already on to toilets. Well, you can't say they aren't necessary, and it is nice to find one that makes you smile rather than run out screaming.

The 'Toilet of Modern Art' can be found in the basement of the rather kitsch shopping arcade directly opposite the Hunderwasser Haus. They provide a coloured fountain to look at - and I don't mean the disinfected flush! - as well as other jokey accessories but you will have to pay by inserting change into the machine...so have some ready unless you are inclined to purchase a few things at the shops.

Vienna has in fact cornered the market in amusing toilets...well, when I say 'cornered the market' I mean that there's two of 'em! The other is the 'Opera Toilet' which you'll find down the bottom of the stairs of the Opernring subway immediately outside the Opera House which leads to Karlsplatz underground station. I baulked at the chance of taking photos inside either as a) I didn't want to get arrested and b)I would have to do some explaining to my wife!

PS If you want to see a splendid conventional toilet, take coffee at the Grand Hotel on the Kartner Ring and use the facilities downstairs. Delightful and a pleasure to wash one's hands!

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Address: Kegelgasse
Directions: Walk from Landstrasse underground station or Hetzgasse tram stop.

Other than wanting a say in the size of their loft extensions or shape and situation of their sun lounges most people will not profess to being interested in 'architecture' per se. However, a trip to this beautiful city is an truly uplifting experience for anyone who loves fine buildings. But should you find yourself suffering from an overkill of grandeur - and I can't say I do! - a stroll though central Vienna to Lowengasse should change all that! For in Hunderwasser Haus you have an extraordinary example of a dream made reality - for in 1985 (Friedensreich) Hundertwasser succeeded in making the surreal real, and managed to build what most people thought was impossible...a block of flats that people would fight to live in!

It's almost impossible to describe in words. Let's simply say that any lover of an abundance straight parallel lines probably ought to steer clear! One word of note - being a real, lived-in block a flats, it is a free show...and being stared at on a daily basis is the price the residents obviously (willingly?) have to pay. All the same, I think it's only fair to show a little bit of respect for the key holders whilst brandishing your camera in the search for that perfect photo opportunity.

The adjacent themed shopping arcade is depressingly touristy but you can get food, postcards if you need to etc. The most amusing thing within is the 'Toilet of Modern Art' (more of which later) Personally I'd enjoy the Hundertwasser building, peruse the toilet in the arcade basement (money needed) and then walk a few streets further to Unter Weissgerbestrasse where you'll find the official Hundertwasser museum - the Kunsthaus. It's 9 Eur for adults (half price Mondays at the moment), has an art exhibition, architecture exhibition and a superbly good cafe/restaurant (see restaurant review).

..and don't forget the Spittelau power plant!

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Phone: +43 1- 712 04 91
Address: Lowengasse and Unter Weissgerberstrasse, 13
Directions: Get off at Hetzgasse tram stop or Landstrasse underground station an walk.
Website: http://www1.kunsthauswien.com/english/mainindex.htm

There's no doubt about it, Vienna will always be associated with some of the finest music in the world and although I do have a soft spot for Falco's 'Rock me Amadeus', I am of course mainly referring to classical music.

For any music lover, a trip to see an opera or ballet performance at the Staatsoper is a must and it really needn't cost the earth. On the one hand you can go bonkers and splash out as I did by treating yourself to the best seats in the house. This might seem rather much when you learn that you will pay out £100 + per seat, but take into consideration that your accompanying children can sit anywhere in the House for about £10, and you're talking about a truly memorable experience. My children (Then aged 10 and 12) loved it but do choose your piece carefully. Something like Offenbach's 'Tales of Hoffman' is a splendid introduction to Grand Opera, and the Vienna State Opera have a superb production that's reappearing in 2005. Oh, and I should mention that on the back of each seat the person behind you can read a multilingual translation device...and it really does work well.

If you aren't feeling flush - don't panic! Seats can still be had for as little as 9 euros but do try to book ahead irrespective of the price band you go for. Online and telephone booking is a doddle - the box office personnel's command of English when dealing with the wary foreigner puts us to shame! Do try to go dressed accordingly - you dont have to come adorned in evening dress (though some do) but jeans and t-shirts would obviously be frowned on. If you can't spare the time for a performance or don't like the music then you could of course bypass the lot and join one of the regular daily tours of the building. But be brave - you'll love it!

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Address: Wiener Staatsoper, 1 Hanuschgasse 3
Directions: In the centre of central Vienna - Karlsplatz underground station - travel around the inner ring and you can't miss it!
Website: www.wiener-staatsoper.at

Unless you have been living on another planet, I doubt whether you've lived this long without hearing at least a few bars of a Strauss waltz. However, spotting your Strauss is a slightly trickier business because musical talent seemed to run in the family and they did proliferate. To make things even more confusing, that Richard Strauss chap (of 'Der Rosenkavalier' fame) isn't even related!

Anyway, back to business and back to the Stadtpark, for it is here - and you really can't miss it - that you'll find the gilded statue of Johann Strauss II, (1825-1899) playing his violin and doubtless wondering whether it'd be better to launch into an excerpt from 'Die Fledermaus' or one of his 400 plus waltzes. My photo is, I think, rather rare? Why I hear you ask? Well, simply because there's hardly anyone to be seen (frankly going on a freezing cold Christmas Day morning helps!) and normally the memorial is surrounded by eager tourists. Curiously, many of these often seem to be Japanese - perhaps due to the popularity of the waltz and ballroom dancing in that part of the world? In fact, if you tune in during daylight hours to the internet webcam pointing at the memorial, you will, I assure you, think it's been relocated to Tokyo. Strange but true!

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Address: Stadtpark
Directions: Underground U2 Stadtpark
Tram 1 or 2

Actually this is a difficult one. I had thought about listing fiaker rides under 'tourist traps' but then I felt a sudden, untypical burst of charity. On the one hand, wanting to take a trot around Vienna courtesy of a greatcoated and bewhiskered coachman might seem a trifle predictable. But let us pause! For a fiaker ride is style personified when compared to the kitsch 'gladiators' permanently stationed around Rome's Colosseum (though the plastic plated blighters do give you an idea why countless emperors found it easy to throw people to the lions) The fiaker is arguably less clichéd than the inevitable Venetian gondola ride. Furthermore your coachman is unlikely to think he's in possession of a fine tenor voice, and even less likely to inflict it upon you!

No, a canter round the Ringstasse is not going to be cheap but it will be memorable and it is negotiable - but please be polite about it.You will find the fiaker rank alongside the cathedral in Stephansdom and if you're there in high Summer you might even smell 'em before you see them! Good for the rose bushes. ('er, not that I'm suggesting you carry the free fertiliser through Customs.)

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Address: Vienna's famous horse carriages
Directions: A cert alongside Stephansdom!

I was wandering across Schwarzenburgplatz when I stumbled across the Russen Heldendenkmal (Russian Heroes Monument). Actually, 'stumble' is an understatement - something this memorial is most certainly not. I had come across one of these monoliths before, dominating the landscape from the top of Gellert Hill in Budapest. And I think that's the point. Neither were erected by a truly grateful populace - they were erected by victors to commemorate victors, and as such they were never designed to be charmingly decorative or shyly benificent.

You can't help but marvel at the sculptural power but you can understand why the locals weren't chuffed to discover that their 1945 'saviours' were the Red Army. That is like jumping free of the gallows and falling into a pit full of crocodiles....and that particular crocodile pit wasn't drained until the Russian Zone ended in 1955. Still worth a look though, as it was a 'gift' from the Russian people...I think I'd have preferred socks!

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Address: Schwarzenbergplatz
Directions: Nearest underground: Karlsplatz