LOOK FOR THE 'LESSER-SPOTTED CELEBRITY'! and other Hove, United Kingdom Things to Do Tips

Well, there's plenty to see if you're into birdspotting. Though to be honest we're more geared up to cater for lovers of seagulls (of which there are many)...and starlings and pigeons (of which there are too many). To be fair the sight of thousands of starlings sweeping across the seafront each evening as they had for their roosting sites (see 'West Pier') can be pretty impressive.

If that fails to amuse you could always try a spot of celebrity spotting. Hove - how shall I put this? - isn't exactly Hollywood but we do have one of the many homes of Paul McCartney, and he does occasionally stroll along the promenade. The photograph shows the beachfront parade where many of the stars have settled. Needless to say, they have their own private pebble strewn beaches but Mr Fatboy Slim has been seen meandering with his metal detector along the shore. I jest not!

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Address: Adjacent to Hove lagoon

Any blighters thinking of invading Hove should pause and reflect now. For though we might seem mild and middle class you should be aware that we have our own nuclear deterrent! And what, may that be? Namely our beacon!

Back in 1588 King Philip II of Spain made a dastardly attempt to introduce bullfighting and spangly trousers to England by sending a considerable number of his warships on a daytrip. Thankfully his Spanish Armada foundered when stormy seas and the English fleet put paid to them. The alarm was raised by a large number of beacons which were lit to spread news of the trouble to come..but this isn't one of them! Well, it is...sort of! There was an original beacon placed somewhere nearby and this new one was erected in commemoration.

It is our first line of defence. We don't have any fuel or matches nearby but we can get them very quickly if we need to.* Please note that there is a danger of fallout when lit...'er...you might get a small piece of ash floating in your general direction. If so, BLOW IT AWAY AT ONCE!

* Assuming the shops are open and it isn't raining.

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Address: Hove Promenade
Directions: Go to Hove. Walk towards the sea. Stop before you fall in. Move in a sideways direction towards the lagoon.

Ah, the Great British Beach Hut! The beloved box of delights into which you can fit many things...as long as they are all incredibly small. Amazingly these tiny wooden huts can change hands for thousands of pounds - and why? Well, they enable beach bathing Brits to bring a little bit of home as close as is humanly possibly to the beach. Just think of the advantages! You can make cups of tea and dunk digestives in absolute privacy. You can de-trouser and en-trunk yourself without enduring the laughter of passing ruffians. You can walk around it (this won't take long). You can hide inside it when squally showers erupt.(this will happen more often than you think) You can store Waspeze and other luxurious unguents inside your hut. You can sleep inside your hut. No, you can't! It's illegal to live in one!!

So there we have it. The beach hut. Small boxlike accomodation you couldn't swing a cat inside.* They can't be hired but they can be admired and peering inside them as you pass by is a great pastime. Who knows what treasures they may hide within? The Holy Grail, The Ark of the Covenant, the Lost Chord...or damp bathing suits?

*Please note this is a typically British expression. No animals were harmed in the preparation of this article.

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Address: Along the Prom
Directions: Slightly back from the beach!