Ireland Warning or Danger Tips by sourbugger

When it comes to cuisine, Ireland had many fine features - especially when you consider seafood. Oysters and Guiness are a marvelous combination.

On the other hand (and I hope they arn't very litigious) a bag of "Tayto's" will probably one of the least pleasant experiences you will ever have.

I'm convinced that when they sweep out the floor of a normal crisp factory they put it all in bags for the Tayto company.

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The new laws that was due to come in during January 2004 to ban smoking from all all pubs, restaurants and other such places finally came into force on 29th March 2004.

I know this has happened in New York and California, but I wasn't sure if it would work in Ireland.

I envisaged some kind of Gandhian civil resistance movement happening - with Irishmen armed with only a pair of wellies and a packet of Rothmans, marching (not marching perhaps, more of wheezing amble)on Brussels to demand the right to light up.

On the other hand perhaps the Catholic Church of Ireland would see it as a recruitment opportunity and fill the incense burners with Lambert and Butler or John Player specials, to allow the worshippers to have a crafty drag in public.

Update - The concensus seems to be that it is in fact working. My sister in law claims the only downside is in Nightclubs where the smell of ciggarettes used to hide the whiff of stale B.O. I'm saying nothing about the quality of clubs she must hang out in.

Update 2- June 2004 : Its still working ! although on the downside many pubs now seem to have placed objects like beer barrells outside their doors where smokers can congregate - so you still get a blast of the evil weed as you enter or leave.

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On busy weekends, book ahead. This conversation occured on an August weekend in County Clare.

Despite the myriad of Bed and Breakfasts in the village and surrouounding areas
We recently spent 4 hours searching for accommodation around Lehinch, before we struck lucky, and got a whole house to ourselves for the price of a B&B room.

At one house we knocked at the door to enquire about B&B and was greeted by a pair of small boys from the garden who were having a kickabout. After enquiring if their parents were in, they returned after a few minutes.

“Me Da’s not in”

“OK”

“Me Ma’s not in”

“OK”

“There someone on the couch”

“Well can you ask someone on the couch if you have any rooms going”

A few minutes later still the boys returned.

“He said we are all full”

I’m sure I distinctly heard the words “And tell them to Feck off as well” from the distant background.

With customer service like that the Celtic Tiger is in good hands.

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Website: www.virtualbedandbreakfastireland.com

The Dereen Inn, Abbeyknockmoy, Co Galway

I celebrated the new year of 2004/2005 in this unholy cesspit. Don't ask why, it's quite complicated story and involves mythical Brazilian lap-dancers.

This pub, if situated in London would probably be referred to a 'designer dingy', but here it's just a crap pub. The toliets in particular have to be smelt to be believed. Tiling like this comes with it's own visible health warning.

They had a re-fit a few years back which involved repainting the place the same dismal colour it was before. To be fair the classy arrangement of broken mirror glass arranged on the wall in the manner of crazy paving was removed.

On the plus side they serve Guinness and you can always be sure of a seat.

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I swear that the baggage trollys / carts at Knock airport are the worst in the world.

These rusting hulks rarely seem to have even one working wheel and are so knackered that even a desperate Bangladeshi scrap metal dealer would not take them.

Upon arriving at the airport in June 2005, I thought things had improved when I spotted (and I swear I'm not making this up) a wheelbarrow left just outside the arrivals door from the apron. The thought of it ! a fleet of wheelbarrows for you suitcases, how useful. So, no obvious cultural stereotypes there.

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As a means of cheap fencing, the countryside is liberally covered in lengths of wire. Some is of the barbed variety, and some is of the electic fence variety. Some is probably both.

If you have any need to check if a fence is electrified, I have found out the way it should be dome. One method is to use an electic fence testing device. If you don't happen to carry one of these around with you as a matter of course then follow this procedure :

Use the back of your hand to lightly touch the wire. If it gives you a 'ting' then it is electified. If you use the palm of your hand, then it might 'clamp' around the wire and continue to spark away.

In any event most fences are no more than about 12 volts strong, so it won't exactly cause many problems to the vast majority of people. Unlike the 10,000 volts used to keep the dinosaurs in the enclosures in Jurassic park, Irish cows tend to be a bit more compliant.

PS John the Finn also informs me it is highly painful to relieve yourself on an electric fence after 8 pints of Guinness

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There has been much concern over the last few years about the cost of living in Ireland, it is now one of the highest in Europe. This disparity has become even more apparant with the advent of the Euro - making comparisons far easier to do. Levels of customer service can also leave something to be desired at times. This is especialy true in areas such as groceries, restaurants and other parts of the tourist industry.

This little story (as told to me by my Sister in law) may help to put it into some kind of perspective.

Paddy goes on holiday in Europe and decides to purchase a Donner Kebab.

The Kebab man takes a pitta bread and loads it up with good quality meat, packs it brim full of salad and hand it to Paddy, "That will be 2 euro please"

"2 Euro ?" says Paddy "That is so much better than back home "

"You Irish ?" asks the Kebab man, and with that he swipes the Kebab back, scapes out most of the meat and salad, gobs in it, and hands it back to Paddy.

"8 Euro"

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Ireland has one of the worst traffic accident records in Europe. This (of course) has nothing to do with the appauling state of the secondary roads, the numbers of untaxed and uninsured drivers or the fact that some Learner drivers are allowed out by themselves.

Each county has a board as you enter it how many fatalities there have been in the county during the last four years - it makes for gruesome reading.

In order to counter these dangers many Irish people insist on placing a bottle of Lourdes (or Knock) water in the glovebox compartment.

I don't know if this really works, but the at least if you buy the five-litre version (thanks to www.Catholicdiscount.com for the picture) you can also use if to fill your radiator in an emergency.

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Car hire companies have a bad reputation in Ireland for adding on some pretty spurious charges.

Things have improved in recent years, and you can normally get an 'all in' price at the time of booking - the internet has seen to that.

One are of difficulty that still remains is picking up a car at one location and dropping it at another. If the car hire company uses an agent then a 're-location' fee is often payable. I recently had to stump uf a whole 75 quid for that recently. Disgusting.

On the other hand the company I used (Dan Dooley) still came in cheaper than the big boys by quite a long way. This was because I picked up the car North of the border (in Northern Ireland) and dropped it off in the republic. The 'big boys' computer systems seem incapble of dealing with that, and given it is 'cross-border' rent will ask an astronomical price for such an arrangement.

So much for European Intergration.

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Getting off the ferry at Dublin Port from Holyhead of Liverpool is one thing, and being prepared for rip-off Ireland is one thing , but finding the Statoil petrol station on the South side of the river is another.

If heading on the main road out to the west of Ireland , this is the first petrol station you come across without heading into the city backstreets. I know it is in an expensive part of towm, but charging 1.54 a litre for Diesel is positively OBSCENE (when the avergae price is arount 1.07). If you have left enough in your tank (I stupidly hadn't) thena few more reasonably priced plkaces appear after a couple more miles on the N4/6.

Check the 'going rate' on the internet before you leave.

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