London Tourist Trap Tips by sourbugger

Dont be a sheep...

These things are an extrodinary rip-off. They are often 15 quid or more for a ticket and the quality of the commentary is variable to say the least. Some don't even have a live guide - but a rather anodine and formulaic tape.

They market themselves as a time-saving service and one that will save you money by not having to fork out for transport between the things you want to visit. This also amounts to false advertising in my book.

Baa baa.

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At Least Do This: Only do this if you are making a flying visit and only have a few hours. That way you can take in the entire route and get an overview of the city.

Baa baa.
Alternative: Quite simply the London bus pass is an exceptional bargain at only 3 pounds 50 p, will get you everywhere and you can use it in the evening.

Route 11, inparticular will connect up many of the poiunts of interest or RV1(see transport tips) that is specifically designed to connect up central London tourist destinations.


As a half way house compromise look at City cruises who operate a hop on-off service to Greenwich in tandem with the Docklands light railway (DLR) for about 9 quid.

London dosn't really have Tourist traps just some very overpriced attractions ; these are in my opinion the worst of the worst:

1) London Dungeon. Once saw a travel guide writing about this place say : "unsuitable for adults" - quite.

2) Madame Tussaud's - Lifeless rubbish.

3) Covent Garden - Overpriced rubbish and bloody street entertainers.

4) Eros on Piccadilly - silly little statue on a roundabout that is not even Eros.

5) The Heathrow Express from Paddington to the airport - more expensive than Concorde

6) Catford

7) Coach & Horses pub in Soho - now overrun with wallies asking if Mr Bernard is OK ?

8) Tower of London - Queen's trinkets

9) Buckingham Palace - up the revolution

10) Bloody sightseeing buses - baa..baa... I'm a sheep.

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Aberdeen Angus steak houses - they only seem to be frequented by tourists who are drawn in by the bright signs.There are a surprising number of them in London (Aberdeen Angus steakhouses that is, not tourists).

Perhaps because it is a chain they presume there is some sort of quality control associated with being part of a chain.

I ate in one years ago and I believe they are still terrible - cold grisly meat and waitresses to match.

The picture is of a prime Aberdeen Angus - I have no idea what animal actually arrives on your plate.

P.S for a laugh look up the reviews of these places in www.londonrestaurantreviews.co.uk

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At Least Do This: Think of it as a retro 70's experience : a kind of ironic theme restaurant.
Alternative: Somewhere more nutricious - McDonalds ?

If you want to look at a load of lifeless dummies, then why not visit the House of Commons ? or Luton.

I fail to understand how this attraction is still at the top of many tourists "Must see" list.

I've been a couple of times (usually taking friends who have insisted) in the past few years and have been quite disappointed at having to part with nearly 20 quid to see a few waxworks.

It's not even as if much humour is injected - such as with the "Spitting Image" puppets that were displayed a few years back elsewhere.

The main problem is the crowds (although they must limit numbers for fire reasons), that create a great swarm of humanity moving through.

I believe there is a new "interactive" section which mainly involves Brittney Spear's or Kylie's cute arse rotating - this must show quite how low the level of the I.Q of the average visitor must me.

Go to Baker street tube, and join the Queue if you really have to.

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At Least Do This: Look in the section where they show how the models are made : actually quite interesting. The rows of heads labelled up here (as they are not currently on display) is also worth a look.

FTM - the Fashion and Textile Museum opened last year (2003) in Bermonsey.

I visited recently (March 2004), but was very disappointed by the place.

The Museum building itself, in it's striking primary (i.e Nursery) colours was probably the best thing about the whole place.

Inside , the ill-lit black box contains about 60-70 dresses to view, suspended from mannequins.

I had rather hoped there would be some sort of 'interpretation' with videos, artefacts and suchlike showing how fashion changed as culture developed throughout the 20th century - thus setting it within it's social context.

Unless you are student of fashion - then the place holds little interest (despite the advertising) for the more general tourist with a passing interest.

At six quid a head it is very overpriced, but then again I should have expected that - Sourbugger is always amazed at how much some women will pay for 19 square centimeters of material and a couple of safety pins.

Address (if you ignore my advice !) :
Fashion and Textile Museum
83 Bermondsey Street
London SE1 3XF

Tel: 020 7403 0222 / 020 7407 8664

UPDATE 2008 - Now re-opened after 'restructuring' . seven quid entry (if you like wasteing it)

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At Least Do This: At least get a discount voucher from somewhere like www.visitlondon.com to justify a short visit.
Alternative: 1) Wait a few years to see if the place expands dramatically

2) See the displays in places like the Victoria & Albert Museum.

I've already written about quite what an awful tourist trap Madame Tussaud's is, but in December 2004 they managed to drop to an even lower, publicity grabing low of tawdry tackiness...My advice is take a portable radiator and stand next to the whole insult to taste. May I thus refer to the following News report :

LONDON, England (Reuters) -- Church leaders united on Wednesday to condemn a Christmas Nativity tableau depicting soccer star David Beckham as Joseph and his pop singer wife Victoria as the Virgin Mary.

Anglicans, Catholics and Presbyterians called the exhibit at Madame Tussaud's waxwork museum in London a new low in the cult of celebrity worship.

In the tableau, Australian pop star Kylie Minogue hovers above the crib as an angel while "Posh Spice" Victoria lays her shawled head tenderly on Beckham's shoulder.

Tony Blair, George W. Bush and the Duke of Edinburgh star as The Three Wise Men. The shepherds are played by Hollywood star Samuel L. Jackson, British actor Hugh Grant and camp Irish comedian Graham Norton.

The Vatican was not amused.

"This is worse than bad taste. It is cheap," an official Vatican source told Reuters in Rome

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The museum is set in rooms below London Bridge station next to the London Dungeons attraction.

Within several rooms it presents life in wartime London and has a several mock-ups of different types of air-raid shelters with all the expected sound effects of bombs dropping in the background. It also has a mock up of a London street following an air raid.

In terms of a museum and the exhibits, I will admit it does a fair job with some interesting clothes, signs, toys and music that really evoke the time.

My main beef with this place is that it is well overpriced at nearly TEN pounds for an adult ticket. It takes about an hour to look around properly.

In addition, the Imperial War Museum (IWM) is only about a mile or so away (couple of stops on the tube) which presents the area in far more imaginative way, in more depth - and that is FREE !

It seems to me to be a somewhat cynical attempt to cash in on the tourist crowd visting nearby attractions or those who are too short of time to seek out the IWM.

And as for bringing in Winnie (as in Churchill, not the jowly insurance hound) - it just smacks of overt commercialisation of what were dramatic events that are still painful in the memory for many.

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Alternative: see above - the Imperial War Museum