"Spalding." Spalding by sourbugger

Spalding Travel Guide: 15 reviews and 27 photos

Sourbugger's contribution to the 'Chavtowns' website :

"Sometimes life can be difficult. Consider the position of a chav inhabitant of Spalding, Lincolnshire. The town is essentially stuck at about 1953. It’s still a sleepy market town with social clubs, a civic (legitimised busybodies) society, Sainsbury’s, a flower festival, riverside walks and tearooms. In short, the chav is up against it. Those vast armies of chavs in nearby Peterborough (Pronounced ‘pee tar bra va’), Boston (Pronounced ‘Bust on’), and Wisbech (Pronounced ‘Pikey Central’) have it easy in comparison.

Despite these fearsome obstacles to the continuation of the lifestyle, the Spalding chav still clings to the land of his birth for three principle reasons :
1) Geest (a giant firm that processes most of the bananas in the UK) provides a variety of employment opportunities to fit in with the chav lifestyle of late nights. In addition the proximity to vast quantities of bananas is somehow strangely comforting for them.
2) A morbid fear of anything further than three miles from the McDonald’s drive through on the A16. This fear has a long history. In ancient times there is evidence of a war between the peoples of Spalding and Crowland (all of 10 miles away)
3) Family ties are still very strong (After we get married, can I still call you sis ?)

The Spalding chav thus has to concentrate on the chavisation of the town. Ambition is virtually unheard of amongst chavs, and this gives us a clue to the odd breed that is the Splading chav – they just somehow fail to even achieve full chavdom.

For example the average chav will bedeck their wardrobe with various items Burberry or at least good fakes. The Spalding chav contents himself instead with a two-pound baseball cap from the discount shop ‘Scooby do’s’ clearly labelled ‘ BURBARRY’.

Another celebrated example is the occasion when a group of young chavs stole a car of a Friday evening. So far, so good, a ram-raid was planned, and chav-stardom beckoned. Then the whole effect was ruined by the choice of store – Poundstretcher, not even an attempt at Thresher, Halfords or Ernest Jones.

On the plus side, the town centre pubs can cater for the local chavs. The Bass house and the Black horse will serve just about anybody. Local legend has it that the ‘Punchbowl’ (was ever a pub more aptly named) operates a system that is the reverse of a ride restriction test on a theme park ride. Namely anybody whose eyes reach above the level of the bar will be served. Allegedly.

One word of warning – the Spalding Flower parade attracts up to a quarter of a million people during the May day weekend. At this time the Spalding Chav takes every opportunity to try and prove to the world what a dim-witted, in-breed, web-footed *** he or she is – and proud of it to. Becoming a proper chav would be move up the social hierarchy.
"

Last visit to Spalding: Apr 2005
Intro Written Apr 25, 2005
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Reviews (10)

On the bonnie banks of The Welland... - Spalding

On the bonnie banks of The Welland... Things to Do (7)

Dosn't scan quite so well ? If you visiting Spalding then go for a walk up and down the River Welland through the... more travel advice

Good example of Gothic Revival - Spalding

Good example of Gothic Revival Things to Do (7)

Gilbert Scott, the famous architect oversaw the refurbishment of this enourmous church in the late Victorian period. He... more travel advice

Twit, twit a woo Things to Do (7)

The owl centre at the Baytree Nurseries (see seperate tips) is one of the best small zoos I have ever seen. At only a... more travel advice

The world's most eccentric garden Centre - Spalding

The world's most eccentric garden Centre Things to Do (7)

I've never written a tip about a Garden Centre before, and I never will again. Baytree Nurseries however, deserves a... more travel advice

Nightlife (1)
If you like big organs
Been to Spalding?
Share your travels with the world!

Comments (8)

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hindu1936 Apr 4, 2006 at 5:13 PM

Wonderful train photo! Good tip about the parade too. Maybe I can flex my schedule a bit to be there in May. Would never have known about Spalding without your info. thanks
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tunisianhick Mar 30, 2006 at 7:38 PM

spalding seems like where "the prisoner" might have been filmed. me mum just moved there from aber...... off for a visit next month for the 1st time
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craic Jul 9, 2005 at 11:39 AM

Tulips, owls, organs. What a very odd place Spalding seems to be.
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katerina-dale May 16, 2004 at 3:27 PM

Unfortunately I discovered your tip for Spalding flower festival toolate... but I saved the website link . I will certainly try to go next year. It seems so wonderful! What a lovely page about Spalding!
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KristaB Mar 4, 2004 at 5:16 AM

Did you pick it at the Baytree Nurseries? Hope you didn't get caught.
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allikat Mar 1, 2004 at 1:36 AM

Im kicking myself for not visiting Spalding when I had the chance!
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BerniShand Feb 8, 2004 at 1:30 PM

you`ve been very busy, were you bored ?
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Sjalen Jan 26, 2004 at 6:06 AM

Haha, that garden centre sounds just like the one outside Malmö with loads of things, animals etc. depending on season! :-)))