A is for Aberdeen angus Steakhouses, London and other Europe Tourist Trap Tips

Aberdeen Angus steak houses - they only seem to be frequented by tourists who are drawn in by the bright signs.There are a surprising number of them in London (Aberdeen Angus steakhouses that is, not tourists).

Perhaps because it is a chain they presume there is some sort of quality control associated with being part of a chain.

I ate in one years ago and I believe they are still terrible - cold grisly meat and waitresses to match.

P.S for a laugh look up the reviews of these places in www.londonrestaurantreviews.co.uk

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At Least Do This: Think of it as a retro 70's experience : a kind of ironic theme restaurant.
Alternative: Somewhere more nutricious - McDonalds ?

In its' quest to become a modern, trendy city the mailbox is an attempt to create an upmarket shopping area in Birmingham, UK. It claims that the the shopping centre / hotel / restaurant / parking / chewing gum holder development is the, and I quote, 'biggest mixed use development in the U.K'.

That is as maybe, but it also means that in the quest to 'cutting edge' the place suffers from the worst examples of 'developer speak'.

I'll try and translate a little for you :

1) This unique development offers a truly integrated lifestyle choice for the first time in the city's history. It brings together designer fashion and lifestyle shops, luxury apartments, two hotels, secure 24 hour parking and an array of restaurants and café bars. All in an exclusive waterside setting only two or three minutes walk from New Street station.

Means : We got anybody we could to be tennant, but we drew the line at Poundworld or Woolworths. A quick exit is available by train to London

2) Birmingham's answer to Bond Street, Wharfside Street is a 200 metre open-air pedestrian route carved dramatically through the full length of The Mailbox.

Means : Its bloody freezing when the wind whips through.

3) It features the largest collection of stand alone designer stores outside London including international brands such as Emporio Armani, Harvey Nichols, DKNY, Polo Ralph Lauren and Hugo Boss.

Means : Brummies have only just started buying the designer crap the rest of us have bought for years.

NB : DKNY actually stands for Don't Know Nothing Youth.

3) There is the wide variety of stylish restaurants and café bars on offer from Indian cuisine (Café Lazeez) and Japanese (Shogun Noodle Bar) to Italian (Zizzi) and modern new Mexican (Santa fe). Catering for all tastes and budgets, a visit to the many waterside restaurants and café bars makes a perfect post-shopping retreat.

Means : Yet more overpriced, tiny-proportioned, pretend food places to waste your money in once you have been fleeced elsewhere.

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The restaurants of Prague have adopted a few sharp practices in the last few years.

The most obvious is to charge for things you don't eat like extra snacks they may bring with the starters / coffee. Don't always jump to conclusions however as they may be very cheap or free. If they won't tell you the price then just leave (before you have your coffee or starters !)

The other thing I've noticed is that the 'specials' of the day are often only written on the chalkboard in Czech - but all you have to do is ask.

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At Least Do This: Ask the price of things and make a decision - very few are seriously trying to rip you off. It is after all standard practice to charge for things like bread by the slice - it's just a question of how much.

If you were to book a west-end show in london based on how long the show has been running would end up watching a production of 'The Mousetrap'.

This show has been running since the first guests booked by the name of Mr & Mrs Adam. whilst it is a fine murder mystery by Agatha Christie the show is kept running by coachloads of women of a certain age from the provinces in their twin set and pearls and flasks of tea.

In 'Time-out' the weekly listings magazine for London, the show is listed as 'booking until Doomsday'.

Longevity is no guide to quality, rather like ' Starlight express' - what a load of complete cobblers.

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Mini-Europe on the outskirts of Brussels next to the Atomium somehow symbolised Brussels to me. It is certainly well designed and has a certain ambience to it, but is also at the same time somewhat earnest, overpriced and too well-meaning in its intent.

As the name suggests, it is model village of Europe, with each of the states being represented by a few models of their famous buildings and street scenes. The whole enterprise is linked together by little model boats and trains that scurry around the site. Each country had at least two interactive buttons. One would play the National Anthem of the country, whilst the other would set some of the models in motion. I was quite intrigued by the Irish one, that appeared to consist of a yapping dog - on closer inspection you could see a bucolic scene of a sheepdog rounding up sheep in green fields.

The Spanish models inevitably included a bullfighter, although when we visited the bull had fallen over and lay on it’s side while a small stump of metal made an endless circuit of the model arena.

The Italian models (and I'm normally very keen on Italian models) included a re-creation of Vesuvius, with plumes of smoke and a vibrating pavement. I feel sorry for those visitors who will be mightily disappointed when they find out this is not in fact a regular event on the Neapolitian Riveria. (it last erupted in 1944)

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At Least Do This: Take it all with a pinch of salt, and make lots of inappropraiate comments as you pass each country !
Alternative: Buy an inter-rail ticket and actually go there !

When a French hotel advertises a room for 15 euros then it is no surprise that you will end up in a tiny, tiny plastic box in a chain like Formula one. Can't complain for the money.

But be beware of 'proper' hotels that charge far more, but don't show pictures their website of standard rooms, or won't quote dimensions over the phone.

Many French hoteliers consider the average broom cupboard to be more that enough space to swing a cat. This is especially true in Alpine ski resorts and in Central Paris. this can even be true of quite expensive hotels.

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At Least Do This: Get a good couple of bottles of Red French wine - the room will magically double in size !
Alternative: Trade up to bigger size room, or book two very cheap rooms in a plastic chain, and sleep seperately !

Whilst the rock of Gibraltar is a very impressive place to visit the caves that lie underneath it really do fail to live up to expecations.

There are two caves to visit, and one of them makes a very fine and unusual location for a musical concert.

As caves go, however there appears to be no beginning to their charms.

(c) spanish tourist board.

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At Least Do This: Stick to exploring the historical buildings and the ape colonies on the exterior

Hotels of this sort can be found in many a European city. Many a large city hotels built at the turn of the last century.

A good example is the Britannia Adelphi Hotel in Liverpool, UK.

This is an account of a visit in 2005:

Initial signs were not good - just inside the front door a bucket was catching raindrops coming through the stained ceiling.

The room rack rate (nobody ever pays it) is around 160 pounds, but after inspecting a room we were glad that we had saved our pennies. The furnishings were very dated and a little frayed whilst the 'Four poster bed' looked so flimsy is anything more energetic than sleeping took place, then it would surely be matchwood within seconds.

The hotel is also famous for being used a few years ago in a BBC 'Fly on the wall' documentary. Famous scence including the old battleaxe of a general manager ejecting a fat hooker from reception and a wedding party where the best man declared 'This is a real Liverpool wedding, the tables will soon be cleared for the fighting'.

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Even when everybody tell you there are simply 'tons' of places to stay, it doesn't always work.

Take this example of trying to find accommodation around lehinch, county Clare. Ireland........

We recently spent 4 hours searching for accommodation before we struck lucky, and finally got a whole house to ourselves for the price of a B&B room.

At one house, before this stroke of luck, we knocked at the door to enquire about B&B and was greeted by a pair of small boys from the garden who were having a kickabout. After enquiring if their parents were in, they returned after a few minutes.

“Me Da’s not in”

“OK”

“Me Ma’s not in”

“OK”

“There someone on the couch”

“Well can you ask someone on the couch if you have any rooms going”

A few minutes later still the boys returned.

“He said we are all full”

I’m sure I distinctly heard the words “And tell them to Feck off as well” from the distant background.

With customer service like that the Celtic Tiger is in good hands.

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Many European cities have some kind of attraction that supposedly gives an 'audio visual experience' using ' the cutting technology of the 21st century'.

What they mean is as follows : you are treated to a few offcasts from the dusty local museum followed by a 35 minute film voiced by a semi-famous actor desperate for the money.

A typical example would be 'The Paris story' opposite the 'Opera'. Avoid.

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At Least Do This: You can gain the same information from a simply written leaftlet, or fifteen minutes on a well-written VT page of the choosen city.