LolaSanFrancisco's VirtualTourist Home Page

"If there is, in fact, a Heaven and a Hell, all we know for sure is that Hell will be a viciously overcrowded version of Phoenix..."
Hunter S. Thompson (1939 - ), Generation of Swine

A few years ago I had an accident and was assed out in bed for months. I was working in the modeling field (NOT as a model boys). I gained a lot of weight and had to change my career. I also knew I would be getting a big settlement.

So, lying in that damn bed, I kept thinking, "Why the *** this was happening to me?" And a vision popped into my head: The Great Pyramids of Giza.

So I grabbed the Yellow Pages and phone (1998 internet not yet as big of a deal) and started looking for a travel agent. I kept hearing the same thing from them: "You have to come into our office before I'll send you a brochure." I would explain that I CAN'T I'M FUUCCKING STUCK IN THIS GOD DAMN BED! However, when they asked if I HAD the money now or not, they would hang up on me when I said "Settlement coming soon." I figured I was going to spend around $20,000 on this reward-to-my-self vacation. But nope, they just blew me off. And that's when it all clicked: I was going to go to travel school and become a travel agent. And by god that's what I did.

In the last 3 years I have been all over the world, some places a few times. Everything I did, every place I stayed, can be bought online or with your travel agent. Meaning: no Rick Steves style travel. Click on the Internet, call you agent, what ever, but book in advance and pay far less, with less travel stress, leaving time and energy to folly, fun, sun burns and sickness, like in my stories.

(However, Rick Steves is one bad ass mo fo. I have a signed photo of him in my office. Can you say GEEK?)

My first trip was your classic backpack trip. 5 weeks of what I look back on as hell, full of hostels, sleeping on train floors covered with spit and gunk. Trying to ditch then boyfriend, chipping a tooth on day old bread. I eventually went back to Europe several times after that, thinking I would get it right, by learning from each and every mistake I always make along the way.

Some Europe Essays:
Amsterdam: “Cannabis Cup: Hosted by High Times Magazine.”
Brussels: “AKA Fake France”
Paris: “Paris Hates Me”
London: “How to Royally Embarrass Yourself in London”
Athens: “Breaking up with then Boyfriend in ***tty Athens”

Mexico
Living in San Diego for many years, I was always next to or throwing up in Mexico. I find that there is never a time when I wouldn't give my left tit to be sitting on a beach, spiking my drink with a cleverly stashed bottle of Tequila, watching the waves and thinking about nothing.

Some Mexico Essays:
Puerto Vallarta: “Wedding Rings Come Off at the Airport”
Cabo San Lucas: “The Long Arm of L.A.”

Travels in The USA
Being American and all, I have been around. I live in San Francisco currently, and would never live any other place, in the United States, but right here. However, New Orleans make me feel funny "down there".

Some USA Essays:
New Orleans: “WHORE for New Orleans”
San Diego: “The good the bad the San Diego”

Africa
I did the balls out 30th birthday bash: I went to Egypt and traveled solo. I however did my very first organize tour with Contiki Tours and loved every single second of it.

Caribbean
I saw the Caribbean through the porthole of my first, last and only cruise. Put it to you this way: I would rather spend a week in jail, then seven nights on a cruise. However, the beaches were stunning and the fish were frisky

Heres a little sample of the anthology thats being created now:
"Two girls early in the morning arrive into the little airport in Shannon Ireland late in September. Yes it was early, and *** it was cold but who cares! I have a hot lusty throbbing desire for a smoke. Yummy smoky goodness. Come on, you know that first smoke off the plane? Unfortunately my gal-pal I call Palie, is one of those: “I’m allergic to smoke, cough, cough, and hack. Get that *** away from me.” Crimany.

I’m alone with my true love at the taxi stand in front of the airport and I look around to notice one very interesting thing: there are a lot of smoken hot men at the Shannon Airport! Palie gave me a deep meaningful look in my eyes as if to say: “Having a boyfriend at home sucks, Lola, and you can’t keep secrets for ***.” Alrightie, I say to myself… if I get her liquored up good and plenty and let her get “carried away” with one of the smoken hot airport guys, I can have black mail over her and she can’t make me smoke alone in cold corners of boring places.

Ok, I think, where do airport dudes in Ireland hang out, I’m hoping Ennis baby, because that’s our first stop..."

I was to be on the Beach in Phuket that day!
Due to a strange freak of events3 weeks before we were to leave to on vacation to Phuket over x-mass and New Years my airline tickets were canceled. I and Palie were to be in Phuket the very day of the tsunami. Our hotel that we were staying in was the KARON PRINCESS on KARON BEACH. It’s crazy crazy crazy to think about it too hard, because I know how we travel. We travel in 2 rooms, and are picky about where we stay so I know I would have wanted to be on the ground floor, beach front room, and at 9:00am that morning I would still be asleep after a long night of drinking with Palie. Palie would have been up and around most likely setting on the sandy beach drinking her coffee waiting for me to get my drunkass up and going. It’s one thing to think about me getting washed away, but to consider losing Palie even for a few hours, I would have stroked out on just that issue alone. My heart goes out to the survivors and all the goodness that I can squeak out of my lump of coal for a heart goes to them.

>>>>PHOTO INFO>>>>>>>>>>>>
A Thai woman goes through salvaged items outside her house in Khao Lak, nearly 115 km north of the Thai resort island of Phuket on December 29, 2004. Corpses rotted in the tropical sun from India to Indonesia on Wednesday and many who escaped death from one of the worst tsunamis in history fought for survival against thirst and disease. REUTERS/Adrees Latif

Well, well, well. Anyone who has read the least bit about my little trips knows that there is no drink - smoke - porn that I have not enjoyed with my traveling buddies, but this year I'm going off on my own. Yep, you got it, it's just me out in Spain, armed with a few euro's and no spanish whats so ever. Here are my dates:
Barcelona 9/23 for 3 nights for the Fiesta of La Merce and the BAM Festival
Overnight sleeper train to Granada
Granada 9/27 for 2 nights
Seville 9/29 for 3 nights
Toledo 10/2 for 2 nights for my Birthday
Mardird 10/4 1 night before I fly home to San Francisco

Let me know if your going to be arround during those times; you can buy me a drink, wind me up and see what I do! - Just kidding.