Krumlovgirl's VirtualTourist Home Page

NEWS!!! Sam has now had his first birthday. Time is flying by so fast. I hate it. He is walking and talking and going to "school" (daycare). Where's my baby?! Sam's Pictures

Pete got his greencard after a year and half of the process. We're very excited. He is working as an Historian for the State of Kentucky and he loves it. I am working as a Family Therapist and I love it. Most days. It's a lot of driving as we serve fifteen counties.

Check out updates on Krumlovgirl's Blog

Pete's Blog

MY EXTERNAL LINKS
Beck's Blog
My MSN Page
My Myspace Page

Stupid Labels

On a Sear's hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

On a bar of Dial soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap."

On some Swanson frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost."

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
"Do not turn upside down."

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating."

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body."

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if
we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May cause drowsiness."

On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only."

On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use."

On Sunsbury's peanuts:
"Warning: contains nuts."

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."

On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."

On A Baby Stroller:
"Remove child before folding."

On a Swedish chainsaw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."

On a Can Of Cheese Whiz:
"For best results remove cap."

KENTUCKY MEDICAL DICTIONARY

Artery- The study of fine painting
Barium- What you do when CPR fails
Caesarean Section- A district in Rome
Colic- A sheep dog
Coma- A punctuation mark
Dilate- To live longer
Fester- Quicker
GI Series- Baseball game between teams of soldiers
Grippe- A suitcase
Hangnail- A coathook
Medical Staff- A doctor's cane
Minor Operation- Coal digging
Morbid- A higher offer
Nitrate- Lower than the day rate
Node- Was aware of
Organic- Church musician
Outpatient- A person who has fainted
Post-Operative- A letter carrier
Protein- In favor of young people
Secretion- Hiding anything
Serology- The study of English knighthood
Tablet- A small table
Urine- Opposite of "you're out"
Varicose Veins- Veins which are very close together
Benign- What you are after you be eight

I can actually say now that I am an author and a travel writer. I've had one travelogue published and will have one fiction novel coming out in 2005 and another one in 2006. On the side, I do hostel reviews for hostelz.com and freelance travel articles for several online travel magazines. I also sell original photography and have a pretty good Ebay business.

I spend half of the year in Europe and the other half in the United States. I recently started a graduate school in Wales where I will be getting a degree in Religious Experience and Paranormal Phenomena. No, that does not mean that I am going to be a preacher (God help us all! :) or an exorcist. My thesis is on the Shakers, a religious group in the U.S. that has died out.

I love to travel above all things and take all suggestions seriously. I will go just about anywhere once and some of my favorite places have been those that I have just stumbled upon. (Split, Croatia for example.)

THE JOKES ON MY PAGE HAVE BEEN SENT TO ME VIA E-MAIL. PLEASE DON'T TAKE OFFENSE. I ALSO ACCEPT JOKES FOR CONSIDERATION. LIFE'S TOO SHORT NOT TO LAUGH AT LEAST ONCE A DAY

Yes, I am from Kentucky and proud of it. We do wear shoes (most of the time), we can get the Internet (in most areas) and we are not inbred (for the most part). We LOVE tourists and welcome everyone. There are some rules to be taken into account when entering Kentucky, however.

RULES TO ENTER KENTUCKY

1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.

2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

3. They are cattle & feed lots and horse farms. That's what they smell like to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-64 goes east and west, I-75 goes north and south. Pick one.

4. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.

5. If that cell phone rings while a deer is coming in, We WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

6. Yeah, we eat catfish. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.

7. The "Opener" refers to the first day of hunting season. It's a religious holiday.

8. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.

9. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.

10. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables and breads. We use two spices: salt, pepper.

11. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

12. The "Wildcats", "Cardinals" and High School Basketball is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.

13. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish.

14. Colleges? Try Lexington, Louisville, Morehead, Richmond, or a bunch a' others. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and Country, and they still wave at passing pickups when they come home for the holidays.

People send me random jokes all the time. Here are a few I've collected through emails.

Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in America...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

Only in America...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions.

Only in America...do people order double cheese burgers, a large fry, and a diet coke.

Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave useless junk in the garage.

Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

Only in America...do we use the word "politics" to describe the process so well: "Poli" in Latin meaning "many" and "tics" meaning "bloodsucking creatures".

Only in America do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

Favorite Movie Couples

Buttercup & Wesley-"The Princess Bride"

Allie & Noah-"The Notebook"

Adam & Caroline-"Untamed Heart"

Jesse & Celine-"Before Sunrise"

Tony & Tia- "Escape to Witch Mountain"

Phantom & Christine-"Phantom of the Opera"

Robert & Francesca-"The Bridges of Madison County"

Inez & Alexander-“Child of Glass”

Harry & Sally-"When Harry Met Sally"

Satine & Christian-"Moulin Rouge"

Ada & Ruby-"Cold Mountain"

Johnny & Baby-"Dirty Dancing"

Myra & Roy-"Waterloo Bridge"

Tristan & Susannah-"Legends of the Fall"

Idgie & Ruth-"Fried Green Tomatoes"

Edward & Viviane-"Pretty Woman"

David & Christina-"Haunted"

Marianne & Colonel Brandon-"Sense and Sensibility"

Stevens & Miss Kenton-"The Remains of the Day"

Jamie & Aurelia-"Love Actually"

Tomas & Tereza-"The Unbearable Lightness of Being"

Mike & Grace-"Dead Again"

1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he
was God and I didn't.

2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

3.. I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!

4.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

5.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

6.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

7.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

8.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

9.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

10.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are missing.

11.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

12. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.

13.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.

14.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

15.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

16.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

17.. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!

18.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.

19.. Procrastinate Now!

20.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?

21.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

22.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

23.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!

24..They call it PMS because MadCow Disease was already taken.

25..He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.

26..A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.

27..Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for
a pig.

28.. The trouble with life is there's no background music.

29.. The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.

30.. I smile! because I don't know what the hell is going on.



Copyrite

Most photos are taken by me. For those that are not, I have written permission from the organization to use them. If you would like to see this permission then please contact me. If you would like to use one of mine then go ahead-just split the profit with me if you make any dough!

I've sure gotten old. I've had 2 by-pass surgeries, a hip replacement,
new knees. Fought prostate cancer, and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation, hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Have lost all my friends. But.....Thank God, I still have my driver's license!

An elderly woman from Brooklyn decided to prepare her will and make her final requests. She told her rabbi she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Bloomingdales. "Bloomingdales?" the rabbi exclaimed. "Why Bloomingdales?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week."

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says "Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?" Slim says, "I feel just like a new-born baby." Really!? Like a new-born baby!?" "Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants!"

Allison Moorer

Tift Merritt

Kelly Willis

Nanci Griffith

Emmylou Harris

Iris Dement

Heidi Howe

Atomic Kitten (I know, it's random)

Big & Rich

MY REVIEWS

I only review places that I have personally visited. Some pages won't have as many reviews as others, but I don't feel like I can give an honest review unless I have had the experience myself. There are lots of other good pages out there that have more entries than mine, but I have to do what feels right to me. So...enjoy!

Some of my favorite books...

Face the Fire by Nora Roberts (guilty pleasure)

The Mists of Avalon

My Antonia by Willa Cather

The Bridges of Madison County by Robert James Waller

Angel Flying Too Close To the Ground by Annie Garrett

Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen

Heaven by VC Andrews

Great Expectations by Charles Dickens

Fools Rush In By Bill Carter

My Favorite Traveling Song

"Me and Bobby McGee" by Kris Kristofferson

Busted flat in Baton Rouge and heading for the train
Feeling nearly faded as my jeans
Bobby thumbed a diesel down just before it rained
Took us all the way to New Orleans
I pulled my harpoon out of my dirty red bandana
I was blowing sad while Bobby sang the blues
With them windshield wipers slapping time and Bobby clapping hands
We finally sang up every song that driver knew
Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose
Nothing ain't worth nothing but it’s free
Feeling good was easy lord when Bobby sang the blues
Feeling good was good enough for me
Good enough for me and Bobby McGee
From the coalmines of Kentucky to the California sun
Bobby shared the secrets of my soul
Standing right beside me Lord through everything I done
Every night she kept me from the cold
Somewhere near Salinas Lord I let her slip away
Looking for that home I hope she finds
But I'd trade all my tomorrows for a single yesterday
Holding Bobby's body close to mine
Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose
Nothing ain’t worth nothing but it’s free
Feeling good was easy Lord when Bobby sang the blues
Feeling good was good enough for me
Good enough for me and Bobby McGee