"The Undersea Adventures of Kilnsea" Kilnsea by JohnnySpangles

Kilnsea is not a place to let the grass grow under your feet. Should you try and do this then not only will the grass disappear but so will you. Throughout its history Kilnsea has been pursued mercilessly by a peckish sea which gobbles up a few feet of its coastline every year. The original Kilnsea started out some miles inland however coastal erosion soon caught up with it and long-term leases on Kilnsea buildings began to be inserted into Christmas Crackers. Despite the best efforts of the resourceful villagers to continually dismantle buildings and re-erect them a few yards further inland the sea soon returned to lap at their feet as they read the Sunday papers on the downstairs kharzi. In the end they pretty much gave up and the churches, houses and pubs of old Kilnsea are now populated by haddocks, halibuts and herrings out in the North Sea. The villagers were so fed up at being constantly thwarted by the sea that a lot of them emigrated to America by booking a group deal on a brand new liner called The Titanic.

Godwin Battery, Kilnsea in 1918 CLICK TO ENLARGE

The military of imperial England were not so defeatist. They made a final attempt at a state of permanence on what was left of Kilnsea with the construction of the Godwin Battery in 1914. This involved pouring tons of concrete into the land in the hopes it would last long enough to support a military camp, a hospital and two great big guns that could take pot-shots at the Kaiser’s Zeppelins. The battery was used in both world wars and no doubt it did help to stop the Germans landing on the East Coast. However, these days, a few continental tourists would be welcomed with open arms in the slotty-arcades of Scarborough and Bridlington. Once the cold war started the old artillery guns were deemed to be of little use against nuclear missiles and they were removed. In the 60s the military land was sold and the grey concrete military buildings became a grey concrete caravan site. Nice

Oops, There Goes The Back Door

Despite concrete taking a bit more chewing than bricks and mortar, the appetite of the sea for the East Coast of England has continued to be all-consuming. Hence there’s no such thing as a ‘static’ caravan on the Kilnsea Sandy Beaches Caravan Site, indeed a mobile home has always been a wise investment around here. The Godwin Battery itself has mostly crumbled into the sea now. It is worth a visit though as, although there are signs to be ignored that say ‘Danger of Big Lumps of Concrete Falling on Your Head, it is a fascinating place to see coastal erosion at work.

The photograph shows one of the big round gun emplacements now enjoying a final bask on the beach before it too joins the rest of Kilnsea on the sea-bed.

I read in the Daily Mail that, at the current rate of coastal erosion, the East Coast will meet with the West Coast in around 2012. On the plus side this means that the newly formed island state, to be called the Socialist Republic of Northern England, can get away without paying for the Olympics.