"Rome - Great Sights, Naff Nights. " a Rome Travel Page by JohnnySpangles

You see that cat in the picture. It’s sitting in the Colosseum and wondering what all the fuss is about. As far as the cat is concerned sitting where it sits is going to result in a snap-happy tourist taking its picture. This will be followed by a gratefully received tickle behind the ear and then the tempting offer of some American chewing gum because the tourist feels obliged to feed it. The cat has no comprehension that it lives in the hub of a once mighty empire and that its anus is touching over two thousand years of history. If it did have any inkling as to why all these people flock in their millions to see the glory of Rome then it might do something useful like open a nightclub.

You can’t really knock Rome. If you haven’t seen it, you should. There’s the Colosseum, the Pyramid, The Trevi Fountain, The Spanish Steps, The Hiipodrome, The Forum, The Vatican…..and the list goes on and on and on. There is nowhere else in the world that matches the architectural riches of Rome. You should see these things before you die, or get imprisoned for choking cats with chewing gum. It is a very singular city.

The Colosseum is not what it used to be though, it’s not even what it used to be a couple of hundred years ago. This is because the inhabitants of Rome used to have a similar ignorance of their heritage to that of my feline friend. Consequently they’ve spent most of the last five hundred years pinching the marble blocks to make house extensions, rockeries or water features. Apparently the Getty Centre Art Gallery in Los Angeles is made with marble from the same Italian quarry. Or so they say, I think it’s more likely that those sneaky old Gettys have been continuing an ancient tradition and pinching a bit of the Colosseum every time they visited. You don’t get rich by paying for marble.

The Vatican is a monument to another centre of obscene wealth, the Catholic Church. All those years of inquisitions, holy wars and bulging collection plates have resulted in the largest church in the world, Saint Peters. There aren’t many buildings that take your breath away. I can only think of The Neu Camp Stadium in Barcelona, the Maracana Stadium in Rio and the interior of St Peters in the Vatican. Perhaps I should get out more.

I could prattle on for ages about the buildings in Rome, but I won’t. The downside of Rome is the nightlife, as there isn’t any. I’ve been three times and failed dismally to find any sort of life after the sun goes down. The closest I’ve got is the Luna Park funfair on the outskirts which is quite jolly, and the avenue leading to it does a fine array of roadside prostitutes. Apart from that it’s a case of trotting around the same sights you saw during the day but this time with the benefit of coloured floodlights.

On my last visit to Rome I appeared on a daytime TV programme called ‘I Fatti Vostri’. RAI, the TV channel, had heard tell of a robotic baby my firm had made and flew us out there, all expenses paid. The show is filmed live and all the TV wannabes line up early in the morning just to be seen in the audience. They are predominantly young, stunning Italian girls desperate to be noticed in the media. If you look at the picture you can see one of them in the background. She mistakenly thought her career might be boosted by getting herself in my photograph. That was nothing compared to the mistakes she made later in the evening after I’d told her I was a fashion photographer. The man on the left wasn’t so keen about being photographed. In fact he looks decidedly unhappy about it. The Benny Hill impersonator on the right didn’t mind and the baby had got used to all the attention by then.

A word of warning if you are planning to travel on the cheap to Rome then allow plenty of time to get from Ciampino Airport, especially if risking the public bus between Airport and Metro Station. It goes all round the houses and you're likely to end up sharing a seat with a goat and a chicken in a cage....and the driver is likley to give their wellbeing priority over you missing your flight. See my travel tip.