Voulez-vous parlez francais avec moi ce soir? and other Paris, France General Tips

Favorite Thing: Confucius presents some useful French phrases for your next visit to Paris:

Maybe you need directions in Paris and a farmer from the French countryside suddenly stops you on the street and asks you for help instead. Hey, it could happen! Tell him:
"Je n'habite pas en Paris" I don't live in Paris.
"Je suis en vacances" I am on vacation.
"Je suis perdu aussi" I'm lost too!
"Tant pis pour toi" Tough luck for you!

One of my favorite French phrases in Paris is:
"Ou est le restaurant chinois la plus proche?
(Where is the nearest Chinese restaurant?)

Finished eating at a cafe? Say 'check please'
"L'addition s'il vous plait"

If you are invited by Paris friends for a home cooked meal, try surprising them with this:
"Je peux faire la vaisselle?"
(May I do the dishes?)
Engage them in some after dinner conversation:
"Les films de Jerry Lewis sont vachement drole, n'est pas?"
(Those Jerry Lewis movies are extremely funny, aren't they?)
"Vous avez 'Les Simpsons' a la tele ici?"
(Do you have 'The Simpsons" on TV here?)

A useful phrase for Paris taxi drivers is:
"Tu connais le chemin?"
(Do you know the way?)

Forget the taxi. You know your way around. Put on your yellow shirt, rent a bicycle, and say to Paris cyclists:
"On fait la course?" (Want to race?)
"Qui a gagne?" Who won?
(Please notice that "gagne" is pronounced the same as the name of the Los Angeles Dodgers closer Eric Gagne!)

Hungry?
"J'ai une faim de loup!"
I'm as starving as a wolf!
"On va acheter la barbe a papa"
Let's buy some cotton candy.
(The French word for cotton candy literally means 'daddy's beard')

Pouring down rain? The French say
"Il pleut des cordes" which literally means that it's raining ropes.
"Je peux emprunter un parapluie?"
(May I borrow an umbrella?)

Fondest Memory: By the way, you might need to say this at your hotel or even on the street :
"Je voudrais envoyer un courriel"
(I want to send an e-mail.)
The French government just outlawed use of the word "e-mail" in French language. Please respect the French government's sensitivity and use the approved substitute "courriel" when speaking French.

See the sexy Parisienne?
"Vachement bandante" (Extremely sexy)
Say that to your buddy, then approach her in style and try this pick-up line:
"Je peux voir sur votre tatouage?"
(May I look at your tattoo?)

She might smile and say "D'accord" or she could frown and mutter something about onions:
"Ce n'est pas tes oignons"
(It's none of your business.)
Pretend you did not understand and then purposely mispronounce this old phrase from your high school French:
"Repetez, sil vous plait", which when spoken carelessly means "Please fart again."
She might change her mind some day so
be sure to hand her your e-mail address:
"Envoie-moi un courriel"
(Send me an e-mail.)
You might want to add a "s'il vous plait" at the end of that phrase to impress her with a sincere "please"

Speechless?
"Qui m'a chope mon dico?"
(Who stole my dictionary?)

"Tant pis pour toi!" Tough luck for you!

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Favorite Thing: Here is where you'll meet representatives from each of France's historical colonies and possessions. In my photo you can see the Vietnamese guy on the left and the Ivory Coast characters on the right. I don't know where that tall robot in the middle came from but it was in no mood to help me find any French Polynesian dancers in this cultural quiche that ended up being a quick lunch.

Fondest Memory: I had never seen so many Africans in one place! (Still haven't been to Africa) Visiting the Pompidou Center somehow reminded me of riding the elevators of Hong Kong's Chungking Mansion. I felt cramped in a small space at the modern art gallery surrounded by these French speaking Africans, only they wore designer clothes instead of tribal robes. Once outside I slowly became acclimated to the African cultures until this giant robot came out of nowhere and scared the merde out of me. I tried to photograph this space invader but as you can see his hand was faster than my eye and so I clicked and ducked and got the cluck out of that cross cultural chicken coop faster than Lance Armstrong to finish my first and only Tour de France.

(2006 update: I returned to Paris this year for my second visit but stayed away from the Pompidou Center.)

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Favorite Thing: The French don't call them "French Fries", and the deli near Notre Dame where I bought these called them "patatoes" first before correcting it to "potatoes". That's funny, because in high school I learned the French word for potato which is "pomme de terre" and translates literally as "earth apples"
At a bus stop restaurant by Calais I saw french fries referred to as "frites" and they were closer to England's version, which the British call "chips"
As for the taste, I thought they were "tres bien" at both Paris and Calais and were almost better than the "potato wedges" I sometimes succumb to at the American "Food Lion" supermarket deli.

Fondest Memory: I didn't have the audacity to ask for "frites de liberté", the new American word for fries that substitutes "freedom" for "French", but I still like to say "Ou est Notre Dame" pronouncing the cathedral's name exactly like the university in Indiana which is famous for college football. Next time I will definitely wear a "Fighting Irish" T-shirt to Paris and roam around the Ile de France asking French folks "Ou est Noter Dayme?"

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Favorite Thing: The Chinatown in Paris extends from Tolbiac Metro Station southeast to Porte d'Ivry. It's difficult to find a dim sum restaurant, and many of the remaining Chinese restaurants in this area are closed between lunch and dinner. There is actually a cheap Chinese hotel in this neighborhood, so one could possibly choose accomodations amidst the Asian stores and restaurants. (Hotel Le Baron: 76, Avenue de Choisy, 75013 PARIS 33.1 45 85 33 33)
However I truly didn't find any outstanding restaurants here worth recommending. They all seem to have similar menus and the prices range from about 6 - 8 Euros for the same dish. This is a good place to buy a few groceries if your hotel room has a refrigerator. I found myself trying various exotic fruit juices at small shops on almost every block. There are a couple of large supermarkets here as well, if you want more than just lychee juice and durian wafer cookies.

Fondest Memory: How about a Chinese McDonald's in Paris? Isn't that neat? That's my fondest memory of Paris Chinatown!
One phenomena I observed is that a lot of the Chinese restaurants around here are actually Vietnamese with a Chinese name. You have to search around for authentic Cantonese or northern Chinese cuisine. I expected to see more Vietnamese restaurants than Chinese, so it wasn't really a major disappointment. I finally ended up eating at a Chinese restaurant called "Hao Hao" near McDonalds (23 Avenue de Choisy) only because they were one of the few restaurants still open between lunch and dinner.
I only went to Chinatown once during my brief 4 day stay in Paris, and during the other days enjoyed Chinese meals elsewhere in the city. I can't think of any other reasons to visit Chinatown beyond eating and shopping, and I didn't do much of either activity during the day that I went there.
I've heard about a smaller second Chinatown in Paris located at the northern district of Belleville in the 19th Arrondissement but I'm saving that one for my next trip to Paris!

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