Roses for beautiful ladies and other Paris, France General Tips

Favorite Thing: 10 Husbands

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin.

What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?

"Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; He kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an Engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from Finance and Administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychiatrist; all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was ......God, I miss him!

"But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the husband, "but, why?"

"Because, you're a LAWYER. This time I KNOW I'm gonna get SCREWED!!"


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Fondest Memory: Officer.

Driving home with his wife one day, a man was stopped by the police.
The cop said, "Sir, you were going 60 mph in a 50 mph zone."
"No I wasn't," the man said.
His wife leans over and says, "Yes you were, honey."
"Why don't you shut the hell up?" he told her.
The cop continues, "You also didn't have your seatbelt on, sir."
"Yes I did," the man said.
"No, honey, no you didn't," his wife chimed in.
"Didn't I just tell you to shut up?" the man shouted.
The cop finally leans into the window and says, "Ma'am, is this your husband?"
"He sure is," she replied.
"Is he always this mean and rude with you?" the cop asked.

The woman smiled at him and said, "No, officer, only when he's drunk."

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Fondest Memory: IF U LOVE SOMEONE
Shakespeare:
if you love someone,
Set her free ....
If she ever comes back, she's yours,
If she doesn't, here's the poison, suicide
yourself for her.
Optimist:
If you love someone,
Set her free ....
Don't worry, she will come back.
Suspicious:
If you love someone,
Set her free ....
If she ever comes back, ask her why.
Impatient:
If you love someone,
Set her free ....
If she doesn't comes back within some time forget her.
Patient:
IF you love someone,
Set her free ....
If she doesn't come back, continue to wait until she comes back.
Playful:
If you love someone,
Set her free ....
*If she comes back, and if you love her still,
set her free again, repeat*
Biologist:
If you love someone,
Set her free, She'll evolve.
Statisticians:
If you love someone, Set her free,
If she loves you, the probability of her coming
back is high If she doesn't, the Weibull
distribution and your relation was improbable anyway.
Salesman:
If you love someone,
Set her free ....
If she ever comes back, deal!
If she doesn't, so what! "NEXT".
Insurance agent:
If you love someone,
Show her the plan ....
If she ever comes back, sign her up,
If she doesn't, keep follow up with her and never give up!
Physician:
If you love someone,
Set her free ....
If she ever comes back, it's the law of gravity,
If she doesn't, either there's friction higher than the force or the angle
of collision between two objects did not synchronize at the right angle.
Mathematician:
If you love someone,
Set her free ....
If she ever comes back, 1 + 1 = 2 (peanut!),
If she doesn't, Y = 2X - log(0.46Y^2 + (cos(52/34X)) x 5Y^(-0.5)c) where c
is the infinite constant of no turning point.
Nowadays' style:
If You Love Someone,
Set it free,
If It Comes Back, It is Yours
If It Doesn't, Hunt it Down and Kill It...!!! OR
PERHAPS REPORT TO IMMIGRATION THAT SHE/HE IS AN ILLEGAL

If you love someone
WHY IN THE FIRST PLACE SET HER FREE??? CARELESS IDIOT!!!

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Fondest Memory: over 50:
===================================

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

3. No one expects you to run....anywhere.

4. People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"

5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

7. Things you buy now won't wear out.

8. You can eat dinner at 4:00 P.M.

9. You can live without sex but not without glasses.

10. You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations.

11. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

12. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.

13. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

14. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter
who walks into the room.

15. You sing along with elevator music.

16. Your eyes won't get much worse.

17. Your investment in health insurance is finally
beginning to pay off.

18. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than
the national weather service.

19. Your secrets are safe with your friends because
they can't remember them either.

20. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.

21. You can't remember who sent you this list.

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Favorite Thing: Why men say lie......
================
One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a
tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When
he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are
you crying?"

The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into
water. The Lord went down into the water and
reappeared with a golden axe.

"Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord again went down and came up with a silver
axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

Again, the woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord went down again and came up with an iron axe.
"Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, "Yes."

The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave
him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went
home happily.

One day while he was walking with his wife along the
riverbank, the woodcutter's wife fell into the river.
When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked
him, "Why are you crying?"

"Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!"

The Lord went down into the water and came up with
Jennifer Lopez. "Is this your wife?" the Lord asked.

"Yes," cried the woodcutter.

The Lord was furious. "You cheat! That is an untruth!"

The woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It
is a misunderstanding. You see, if I said 'no' to
Jennifer Lopez, You will come up with Catherine
Zeta-Jones. Then if I also say 'no' to her, You will
thirdly come up with my wife, and I will say 'yes,'
and then all three will be given to me. But Lord, I am
a poor man and I will not be able to take care of all
three wives, so *that's* why I said yes this time."

The moral of the story is whenever a man lies it is
for an honourable and useful reason !!


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