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ENGLISH AINŽT SO EASY SOMETIMES
read following letter from an italian traveller:

Roma 24 aug. 1985

The Manager
Y.M.C.A. - Hotel
LONDON

Dear Signore Direttore

Now I am a - tella you story wot I was a - treated at your hotella.

I am a - comma from Roma as tourist to London and stay as a - young christian man at your hotella.

When I comma in my room I see there is no zhit in my bed - how can I sleep with no zhit in my bed? So I calla down to receptione and tella; "I wanta zhit". They tella me: "Go to the toilet". I say: "no, no, I wanta zhit in my bed". They say: "YouŽd better not zhit in your bed, you sonna-wa-bitsch".

What is sonna-wa-bitsch?

I go down for breakfast into ristorante. I order bacon and egga and two pisses of toast. I getta only one pizz of toast. I tella waitress, and pointa at toast: "I wanta pizz". She tella me: "Go to the toilet". I say: "No, no, I wanta pizz on my plate". She then say to me: "YouŽd bloody wella not pizz on the plate, you sonna-wa-bitsch".

Second person who do not even know me calla me sonna-wa-bitsch.

Later I go for dinner in your ristorante. Spoon and knife is laid out, but no fock. I tella waitress: "I wanta fock" and she tella me: "Sure, everyone wanna fock". I tella her: "No, no, you donŽt understand me, I wanta fock on the table". She tella me "so you sonna-wa-bitsch wanta fock on the table? Get your azz out of here".

So I go to the receptione and ask for bill, I wanta stay in this hotel no more. When I have paid the a - billa the portier sat to me: "Thank you, and peace on You".

I say; "Pizz on you too, you sonna-wa-bitsch, I go back to Italy".

I never more gonna stay your hotella no more, you sonna-wa-bitsch.

Sincerely

Enrico Morelli