Vatican City Tourist Trap Tips by maykal

The Pope's Blessing

Avoid Wednesdays unless you want to share the piazza with a few thousand blessing-seekers...the Pope addresses the public every Wednesday morning, a laughable affair where long lists of names are read out, and the Pope says in a croaky voice 'I bless you' to ecstatic cheers from the crowds below. Go on a miserable day, preferably with rain, otherwise the place will be crawling with people like you. As someone once said, "Hell is other people".

Fun Alternatives: While everyone flocks to see the Pope, head off to other parts of Roma where you might find things a little less crowded. You can always come to the Vatican on an alternative day.

Basilica rooftop shopping mall

Ever wanted a teatowel which has been blessed by the Pope? How about a glow-in-the-dark crucifix, or a chocolate lollypop in the shape of a nun? Or maybe you have always wanted to buy your very own Papal blessing written on cheap notepaper and splashed with holy water, your name scrawled along the bottom as an afterthought? Well, all this and more can be bought in the rooftop souvenir shops from grinning nuns who will be only too happy to wrap your gifts in an array of gaudy paper while draining you of your last Euro. Why doesn't the Vatican go the whole hog and open a branch of Starbucks Coffee by the lifts? Or even a revolving MacDonalds in the Basilica Gallery? I'm counting the years before bungee jumping is offered from the rooftop....

Unique Suggestions: If you really are desperate to purchase that wind-up musical Popemobile for your dearly beloved, then I'm sure it is much cheaper at the classy joints surrounding the Vatican than at the rooftop shopping mall.