"The Mistake on the Lake" Cleveland by Ewingjr98
Cleveland Travel Guide: 604 reviews and 886 photos
I grew up in Western Pennsylvania and Ohio was unfortunately close. We made occasional journeys to this sad, sad state to venture to Cleveland for so-called sporting events, to go to the airport, or to check out the amusement park at Cedar Point. A few years ago, I made a trip to the NFL Hall of Fame at Canton.
I have also passed through Ohio a few times when traveling between Michigan and my home in Lucinda, PA.
Why do I love Cleveland?
The Cuyahoga River was so polluted it caught on fire in 1969 after the city had spent 100 million dollars on river cleanup! The same river previously caught fire in 1952, and 1948, and 1941, and 1936, 1922, 1912, 1887, 1883, and 1868....
Cleveland earned the nickname "The biggest hole above ground" when it became the first city in America to declare bankruptcy in 1978!
One former mayor of Cleveland lit his hair on fire with a blowtorch (twice!) at a dedication ceremony for a new bridge.
According to Wikipedia, "at President Ronald Reagan's inaugural ball, comedian Rich Little quipped that that if the Soviets started to invade Poland, 'I'd change the name to Cleveland. No one ever goes there.'" For some reason Clevelandians were upset...
In 1982 the New York Times defined the term "Full Cleveland" as mens clothing consisting of "a powder blue double knit leisure suit, bright blue and yellow flower patterned shirt with cuffs turned back over the jacket sleeves, white vinyl belt and matching loafers." Nice!
"Cheap houses, really really cheap houses. Money left over from the mortgage, therefore, to buy cool things. Reasonable proximity to places like Pittsburgh, Toronto, Detroit, and Chicago if you stretch a little. Good clean, inexpensive water. A pace of life that's a little slower than New York City but more exciting than the admittedly lovely and beautiful Davenport, Iowa. Practically no traffic. Nice public facilities like the West Side Market, a fine zoo, and a library system that is absolutely incredible for the size of the city. Excellent parks just outside the city limits. One of the best places in the world to get sick." From Schumann's Cleveland Pages.
Close to cool towns? Better than Iowa? Good water? Good libraries and a good place to get sick (probably often if you drink the "clean" water). Oh, and according to America's Best Online, the Cleveland Zoo isn't even the best (or the second best in the state!). This is exactly my criteria for the perfect city. When can I move?
One blog I read recently said that Cleveland is "really not too bad (Just stay away from the CSU area unless you want to be shot), but the flats (Strips of bars on the river) is probably the best part of Cleveland" ... if you can ignore the "homeless people, shootings, drownings, and the vomit covered streets." Sounds like a great place!
Eight bridges does not give Cleveland the right to claim the title "City of Bridges." Sorry, but that title is reserved for Pittsburgh and its 2,139 bridges... close, Cleveland, real close.
Not that Cleveland has nothing to brag about. They are number 1 in some categories:
-- Number 1 in poverty rate among major American cities! Cleveland's poverty rate was 31.3 percent compared to the national average of just 12.5 percent.
Ichiro Suzuki said, "I'm not excited to go to Cleveland, but we have to. If I ever saw myself saying I'm excited to go to Cleveland, I'd punch myself in the face because I'm lying."
"Cleveland will survive. As a kid, you look at other cities, like Pittsburgh, and you might think, when's it going to be our turn?" Clevelander Brendan Kearney
"We look at the Steelers win. The Penguins win. Why can't we win? Something's got to change." -- Todd Livengood of Ohio
Cleveland in jokes
What's the difference between Cleveland and the Titanic?
Cleveland has a better orchestra.
Yesterday, I was on the bus traveling home from work. A man of Arabic appearance got off at the stop before mine and I noticed that he had left his bag behind. I grabbed the bag and ran after him, caught up with him & handed him back his bag.
He was extremely grateful to me and when he checked the contents of his bag I noticed what appeared to be large bundles of cash and white powder.
He looked round, made sure nobody was looking and whispered to me: "I can never repay your kindness sir, but I will try to with a word of advice for you and your friends: Tell everyone you care about to stay away from Cleveland."
I was terrified. "Is there going to be a terrorist attack?" I whispered.
"No, sir," he whispered back. "It's a sh!thole."
A judge asked a child in a parental custody battle which parent he preferred to live with. The child says neither one, they both beat me — the judge then asks who does he want to live with and the answer is "the Cleveland Browns, they don't beat anybody."
A guy from Nebraska, a guy from Cleveland, and a guy from Pittsburgh are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.
"I will give you each one wish. That's three wishes total," says the Genie.
The guy from Nebraska says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Nebraska." With a blink of the Genie's eye - 'POOF' - the land in Nebraska was forever made fertile for farming.
The guy from Cleveland was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall built around Ohio, so that no Steeler fans can come into our precious state." Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye - 'POOF' - there was a huge wall around Ohio.
The Steeler fan says, "I'm curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and nothing can get in or out."
The Steeler fan says, "Fill it up with water."
Two boys are playing hockey on a pond in North Park when one is suddenly attacked by a rabid rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy takes his stick and shoves it under the dogs collar, twisting it to save his friend.
A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident. "Penguin fan saves friend from vicious animal," he starts writing in his notebook.
"But I'm not a Penguins fan," the little hero replied.
"Sorry, since we are in Pittsburgh I just assumed you were," said the reporter.
"Steelers fan rescues friend from horrific attack," he continued writing in his notebook.
"I'm not a Steelers fan either," the boy said.
"Oh! I assumed everyone in Pittsburgh was either for the Penguins or the Steelers. What team do you root for?" the reporter asked.
"I'm a Browns fan," the child replied.
The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes, "Little jerk from Ohio kills beloved family pet!"
Albert Einstein is at a cocktail party, he runs into one man, and Albert asks "What is your IQ?" The man replies "190" Einstein says "Excellent... we can talk about quantum physics, aeronautical science and other topics."
They talk for a while and Einstein moves on. He comes to a young lady and says "Hello, what's your IQ?" The lady replies "140". Albert says "Great, we talk about politics, current events and other things". They talk for a while and Einstein moves onto another guy.
Albert says "Hi, what's your IQ?" The man stares back at him blankly and says "62" Einstein replies "How 'bout those Browns?"
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